Shifting Perspective
by Dyna Dee
Summary: YAOI - Adult themes, mind the rating. A dark tale set after the wars. Heero goes down an unexpected path, finding a different form of self destructive behaviour, bringing pain to his friends, especially Duo.
1. Default Chapter

Author's note: I experimented with this story by telling it from many POVs. From the beginning to the end, it's told in the style of first person, present tense. Each ******* signals another POV. It might take you a paragraph or two to figure out who is talking, but it's not difficult once you get the feel for it. I apologize in advance to those who are Heero lovers, but things will get somewhat better as the story progresses.

Shifting Perspective 

By: Dyna Dee

Warnings: Rated R. Yaoi - This is a more serious fic and is suitable for very mature readers only. The content deals with adult themes. Angst and Drama

A sigh escapes my lips a moment after I slam the car door shut. I brush back my wet hair from out of my eyes and pull my dry braid out from my jacket, then reach up to unzip the front of the leather Preventer's jacket which is wet from running to the car from the office in the pouring rain. Reaching inside the damp garment I pull my revolver out from the shoulder strap that holds it in place in an effort get more comfortable. Sitting back against the driver's seat, I look out into the darkness surrounding me. I hate January. Almost every year I struggle emotionally during this month. It depresses me. I find it's always a let down after the glitz and excitement of the holidays and I hate almost everything about this month following it. I go to work in the morning and it's dark, and here I am at the end of the work day and, not only is it dark, but it's also raining, heavily. Tilting my weary head to the side and resting it against the cool glass window, my eyes stray to the large puddle in the vacant parking spot next to my car. The water looks black against the asphalt beneath it and the dark of night enveloping everything. The light of the high-set lamp post above my car reflects on the water's surface, glimmering even in the blackness because of all the raindrops that cause the puddle's surface to dance with the light's reflection. But regardless of the light's efforts, the puddle is still black, just like my current mood. That thought disgusts me the moment it pops into my head.

"Suck it in Maxwell, you wuss," I snarl to himself. But I know I have "sucked it in" far too many times to be able to do it effectively anymore. My joker's mask is shattered; it has been for a long time now. Ever since.... "No!" I tell myself firmly and force my mind away from the source of my pain. I've been hurting for how long now? I snort in disgust, I know exactly how long, from the moment I realized that I'd fallen in love with my best friend. The pain was small when it first started, caused from the guilt I felt when realizing my attraction to another guy, then it increased when it became apparent that Heero only viewed me as a sometimes useful comrade in arms. 

I sigh deeply, damn but I was so stupid to have fallen in love with him. I hadn't told Heero of my attraction when I'd discovered it, doubting the Wing pilot would be interested in me in the same manner as I was with him. In fact, during the war, Heero didn't seem interested platonically or sexually in anyone of either gender. Maybe it was his training, I had consoled himself. Whatever it was, I had been content to bide my time and watch the object of my affections from an arm's length, enjoying the friendship we seemed to form during the first war.

After the war, I'd talked Heero into moving into an apartment with me, hoping to get a better idea of my friend's preference in gender. Heero remained stoically unreadable and most days he was as aloof-friendly as ever. But I stubbornly didn't give up hope. We were young, I reasoned, and Heero might be a late bloomer. I had also harbored the hope that I would eventually lose interest in my best friend and go on with my life looking for a nice girl to settle down with one day.

It wasn't until after the attempted military coup by Barton and his army that something changed in Heero. Maybe it was facing death one too many times, or realizing that his duty as a soldier for the colonies, now living in peace, was over. What ever it was, he changed dramatically. After recovering from his injuries, he moved back in with me and we both joined the Preventers along with Wufei. Things were going well for us; we both had a steady, challenging job and each other's company. And then suddenly, out of the blue, Heero accepted my invitation to go out to a club one Friday night after work. I've cursed myself a million times over for making that suggestion as it's brought me more grief than I care to think about.

Nothing happened the first night, other than Heero being asked to dance and, surprisingly, he accepted, with my encouragement. It only took a couple more invitations to the dance floor for the former Wing Zero pilot to get the mechanics of the social surroundings and then he began to ask others to dance. I watched him with undisguised amazement. Never in a million years would I have believed Heero would thaw so quickly. The only problem was that Heero seemed to ask everyone to dance but me, and I was jealous and hurt because of it. That should have been my first clue.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid," I mutter, banging my head against the window with each word while my eyes remain focused on the black puddle with the dancing lights. Heero had wanted to go out every weekend from that night on. And though the clubs were always crowded and Heero quickly disappeared from my side, I always knew exactly where he was, what he was doing and who he was with. It was my duty to watch my friend's back, wasn't it? My best friend, a person who had always been so cold and distant from everyone, suddenly became a raging mass of hormones. He discovered sex in the bathroom of a dim lit nightclub. I didn't say anything, thinking Heero was just experimenting, a lot of people do that, or so I've been told. I was just sick at heart with disappointment that Heero had turned to strangers instead of to me. But the thing that shocked me the most was the fact that Heero frequented the back room several times an evening and with different people of both genders. If nothing else, that answered my question as to whether Heero could be attracted to a male.

After a month or so of watching my best friend from a distance, I spoke to him, questioning him about the many people he was engaging in some sort of sexual activity with. Heero merely shrugged, "I use protection, Duo. And really, it's none of your business." That ended the discussion.

Still, I bided my time but I stopped going to the clubs each weekend with Heero. I chose instead to stay home and worry until the he returned, sometimes around two a.m. and other times not until well after the sun had risen. With each weekend my heartache increased.

It all came to a head when Wufei had his breakdown. I shudder to think what would have happened if Quatre and Trowa hadn't come in for lunch that day. The two lovers visited with the three of us Preventer/former pilots on a regular basis. But that day in my office Quatre suddenly clutched at his chest and his face crumbled, looking as if he was in agony. "Wufei," he gasped. With eyes filling with unshed tears, the boy with the telling heart looked to Trowa. "He's going to kill himself, Trowa. Hurry, I think he's on the roof." The three of us rushed up there in time for Trowa to knock the gun away from Wufei's temple. Quatre and Trowa held our Chinese friend, always so aloof and solitary, tightly between them. They whispered into his ears some reassurance or promise that no one else could hear, and when they finally let him go from their secure embrace, Wufei turned to those few gathered on the roof, and with pain-filled eyes he quietly said, "I quit."

I had never been really close to Wufei as the scholarly former pilot seemed to only be able to tolerate my sense of humor for short periods of time; but I hated to see him go. With Wufei there, at the Preventers every day, I knew I always had someone I could feel comfortable around. Heero, Wufei and myself were the only ones in the city that understood what we had gone through as young teenagers, fighting an impossible war under the most extraordinary of circumstances. But even I could see that my Chinese friend was having trouble coping. We were given massive responsibilities at too young of an age, the stress was unbearable at times as we struggled to achieve what was expected of us. Being in the Preventer's organization was no less different than fighting for the colonies with our gundams. We had reputations of being the three gundam pilots. It was assumed by most that anyone kid capable of doing what we had as teenagers was certainly capable of handling extreme tasks that others would falter at. 

Having had a couple of cases turn sour in succession and one particular case had gone so badly that it had led to the unnecessary death of an informant and some innocent bystanders, Wufei's seemingly impenetrable wall that he'd built inside himself began to crumble. Coupled with the stress of difficult assignments were the plaguing nightmares and survivor's guilt from the war that succeeded in taking our Chinese comrade over the edge, leading him to that day where he was determined to end his life and put himself out of his misery. Wufei left Earth that very evening and traveled to L-4 with Trowa and Quatre, and my loneliness increased.

It was two years from the time I realized that I loved Heero and a year after the last war when I felt desperate enough to break down and tell my friend how I felt about him. A violent shudder shakes my thin frame as I recall the conversation. With my heart in my hand, I confessed my feelings for him and humbly offered my love to Heero, asking if he could feel the same way toward me and possibly try building a future together. Heero took a moment to look at me, his face was expressionless, giving me no clue as to how he received my announcement. I was beginning to feel sick to my stomach with nervousness when he finally reached out to me and my hope again sparked within me. Then my every wish was shattered as he reached out his hands and took hold of my shoulders then looked deeply into my eyes and said, "Duo, you're my friend, my former comrade. I care for you, but I could never be attracted to you in a sexual way." Heero must have seen the heartbreak in the eyes he studied, because his next sentence caused even more despair. "I think in light of your feelings that I should move out and find a place of my own." With that said, Heero left to go out for the evening, dressed in leather and silk and leaving behind him the smell of his musky cologne and a shattered heart. A week later he packed his things and moved out of our apartment and into one of his own.

We still saw each other at work and, at my frequent invitations, we manage to still play one-on-one basketball after work and have lunch occasionally. I've seen Heero several times with different companions, eating dinner or going to a movie, but Heero's relationships never last for more than a couple of weeks before he goes back to the clubs and finds someone new.

I finger the gun still in my hand and let my fingertips absently linger over the cool metal, caressing it like a lover. I've thought several times of doing what Wufei failed to do, but my brief time at the Catholic orphanage and my promise to Sister Helen as she died that I would do all I could to live, has stopped me from doing it, but that doesn't mean I don't want to do it. I know I'm walking a thin line. I'm sure the good Father and Sister would be repulsed and disgusted with me if they knew what I've been contemplating since my return from the dreadful Christmas at Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei's home. I sigh deeply, feeling sick to my soul thinking what a disaster that had been. I'm sure that's was the last straw that had taken me to this emotional edge and on the point of teetering over.

I close my eyes and realize that the last four months have been just about enough to send sent to straight to the nut house. My therapist has even suggested a brief stay at the mental health hospital as my medication doesn't seem to help my deepening depression, especially after the last punch Heero delivered me. 

My hand raises to wipe at the slightly fogged window with the rain drops making their way down the cool, outside surface like tear drops. It began four months ago, and I remember that I hadn't seen Heero for several weeks, other than brief contacts at work. He'd turned down all my invitations to lunch, basketball, and even a drink after work. I just figured Heero had a new bed interest, and I was soon to learn how close to the mark I was.

I'd accepted an invitation to dinner with a couple of friends from work, giving into their teasing me about spending all my time working and not having any fun. They were right about that, I pretty much stayed in my apartment on the weekends and caught up on the sleep I rarely got during the week, and I knew that I really did need to get out of the rut I was in. We walked several blocks to a popular Italian restaurant not far from work. The six of us entered into the well-known establishment in good spirits and anticipating a wonderful meal. I scanned the interior of the bustling business and my eyes locked on to someone familiar. In that brief glance, my world was shaken yet again. There, in a booth next to the far wall, was Heero with another man, and it was more than apparent that he was Heero's current love interest by the way they were staring into each other's eyes with sparks of lust surrounding them like an invisible aura. But that wasn't the thing that disturbed me, it was the other guy's very appearance. Quickly giving the others some excuse that I'd forgotten to make a call, I quickly turned and shot out the door, hoping Heero hadn't seen me, and ran all the way back to the parking lot. I sat in my car for a long time trying to come to terms with what I'd seen and felt shaken to the core. Starting the car, I drove home, ignoring the ringing of my cell phone for the rest of the weekend.

Wufei showed up at my door two weeks later, having come to the city on a business trip for the Winner Corporation, and though he looked healthy and strong, he also looked harried and worried at the same time. He told me he'd dropped by Heero's to say hello and had met Heero's new roommate. He then went on to tell me that he'd given Heero a verbal tongue lashing for his insensitivity. Wufei and the other two pilots knew of my unrequited feelings for my former roommate and co-worker, and they had offered a sympathetic ear when I needed to vent. If there could have been one positive thing that came from my heartache, it was that I had never felt closer to Wufei than at that moment, when my friend had recognized the cause of my pain and realized the hurt I had to be going through. Then, in a true act of friendship, he had come directly to me. Words can't express the warmth I felt for my Chinese friend in that moment. 

"Insensitive bastard," Wufei had said in regards to Heero. I agreed, but told Wufei that I was hopeful the relationship would only last a week or two as that seemed to be the usual duration for any of Heero's relationships. I was wrong. The two had been living at Heero's place for over four months now.

"What's the matter Duo?" 

Jumping at Heero's voice, I'm embarrassed that I've been so lost in my dark thoughts that I didn't even hear Heero come in from the rain. I've been waiting for Heero, like I always do Monday through Thursday, to give him a ride home from work. It's something I offered during the winter months when it became dark earlier in the evening and the weather was usually inclement. After all, Heero didn't have a car and that's what friend's do, right?

"Nothing," I answer his question in a surly manner and start the car. I shift gears and in a jerky move, maneuver the car out of the parking lot and onto the main roadway. With the radio off, the sound of the windshield wipers is the only sound between the two of us.

"You always get depressed after Christmas. Is that what's going on?" Heero persists, and I can tell he's mildly concerned.

"No, because Christmas was an unmitigated disaster, so there's no holiday high to come down from," I answer bitterly.

"I didn't think it was so bad," Heero replies with a salacious grin, then leans forward to adjust the car's heater to a higher temperature.

"One of these days Heero reality and probably some kind of S.T.D. is going to bring you around to your stupidity." I knew why Heero hadn't thought it was bad. The other guys and myself had been embarrassed by Heero's lover's sleaziness and that his hands had been all over Heero, who didn't seem to mind in the least. Regardless that Quatre's involved with two men at the same time, he and his lovers are discrete and courteous. It was unfortunate that Quatre found it imperative to speak to Heero about their too often public displays of affection and indecent comments. Quatre did have three of his sisters and some of their children present for the holiday after all, and Heero and his companion's behavior had been anything but appropriate around them. It put everyone in the house in a very uncomfortable position of which Heero simply seemed uncaring or oblivious to. Things came to a head when Quatre became unusually angry after a maid reported to him that she had come upon Heero and Alex, his lover, naked and engaging in sexual activity in the billiard room Christmas morning. The blond had politely but sternly asked the two to leave his home. Neither he nor the other two former pilots who live with him have spoken to Heero since. 

"Where is all this hostility coming from Duo?" Heero asks me, his voice sounding tighter as if he's beginning to get angry. Then he snorts. "I know your problem, you need to get laid."

My hands grip tightly to the steering wheel until my knuckles turn white, I'm at the end of my proverbial rope and Heero is pushing me off. "I know that's your solution to everything Heero, but it's not mine," I snap back, then began to mimic the sound of two voices. In a high voice I say, "Heero has a headache." And in a deeper voice, mimicking Heero's I say, "Oh, I need to go get laid." Not heeding the glare directed on me, I continue. "I'm thirsty. Oh yeah, a blow job is just what I need. I've got a hang nail, I think I'll go clubbing and get a hand job in the back room. I'm having a bad hair day.."

"Enough," Heero shouts, his anger is now fully roused. "You're just jealous."

"Of your promiscuity, I don't think so fella." I snort derisively.

"Tell me Duo, are you still a virgin? You sure act like one." Heero snaps back.

"Like that's any of your business," I answer indignantly. "But I'll make a deal with you, Heero. I'll tell you the answer to that question if you can tell me the exact number, give or take a dozen, of the number of people you've shared a sexual experience with. And I'm not just talking only about traditional sex, I'm talking blow jobs, hand jobs, and any other weird thing you're into."

I'm somewhat pleased to see Heero's eyes narrow. "Can't do it, can you? You know what they call you down at the clubs, Heero?" I ask as I speed around slower cars on the roadway, eager to get to Heero's apartment and end this conversation.

"Shut up Duo." Heero gives a warning growl.

Of course, I ignore him and continue, "It's no longer the prestigious name of the Pilot of Wing Zero, or the pilot who saved the Earth from Libra, or the hero of the Barton Uprising. No Heero, you have the distinction of being known as a first-class man whore."

Heero makes a move to lunge at me, when suddenly he freezes in place as he feels the nozzle of my gun against his forehead.

"Back off," I snarl and jerk the steering wheel so that Heero is thrown back against his door. "Not that you charge any one for your pleasure," I continue, now more than thoroughly pissed off than I've been in a long time. "But that's your own reward, isn't it? Think about it, if you'd charged the amount a hooker does for each sexual favor you've given in a club, you'd be rich."

"Is this discussion because you're still in love with me?" Heero demands angrily, as we deliberately continue to try and hurt each other with our words and anger. "You need to get some help Duo. Your feelings for me have become an obsession that's detrimental to your mental health."

I laugh loudly, almost maniacally at the irony of that statement. "That's really funny coming from you Heero. You're obsessed with sex. Face it, you're an addict, and I'd call that detrimental to your physical as well as your mental health. It's not normal Heero. You're sick."

"Well then that makes two of us," he yells back, then backs himself into the corner, folds his arms over his chest and looks at me with hatred brimming in his eyes.

The next minute is spent in tense silence as I continue my erratic driving through the wet streets. The deep breathing of the both of us almost coincides with the sound of the windshield wipers as they glide across the wet surface of the windshield.

"I can't fall in love with you Duo," Heero says firmly. "But I am your friend. Can't that be enough?"

"My friend," I reply with sarcasm dripping from the words. "You have never been my friend, Heero."

"I've been your friend since the war," Heero adamantly insists. "How can you dismiss all the time we've spent together as anything other then friendship?"

I look away from the road to give Heero an incredulous look. "I don't know who ever defined friendship for you, Heero, but friendship is a two way street, the give and take go both ways. Our so-called friendship has always been based on me giving and you taking, never the other way around."

"You're delusional," Heero huffs as he backs further into his seat and turns his head to look out the passenger side window.

"Who is it that calls to set up the lunches, the movies, or a night out for bowling or pool," I say, the anger building in my voice again. "It's always been me, Heero. Always me. You never called me first, or even e-mailed me just to say hi. I was the person trying to have a friendship and you just took what you wanted and left me hanging the rest of the time. It was never you, Heero, who was my friend." 

"Duo, I'm in a relationship." Heero answers with a sigh, as if he is bored with the conversation. "I can't hang out with you like I used to. Alex wouldn't like it."

"Yes, I guess more than two weeks of having sex three times a day with the same person would constitute a relationship to you," I say snidely. "What the hell do you have in common with that guy anyway? He's a limp wristed, disease carrying lounge lizard with the intelligence of a soap opera addict, and can you get any more flaming? For God sakes Heero, he sashays when he walks and he hasn't got a locking joint in any part of his body. It's obvious to everyone why you're with this guy, and it just adds insult to injury. Do you really hate me so much?" I was angry, but it was feeling pretty damn good to finally get it off my chest.

"Shut up Duo, the green-eyed monster is rearing his ugly head."

"At least I know what you mean when you say that, but I'll bet Mr. Sleeze Ball thinks it's a sexual come on."

Heero glares at me. "Your jealousy knows no bounds, Duo. You either get some help or our friendship is over."

There's another moment of stilted silence before I speak again, as angry as I've ever been in my life. "You know what?" I ask as I pass another car rather sharply, causing Heero to grip the armrest. 

"What?" Heero snaps back in exasperation.

"I've had it. I'm done. I've finally reached the breaking point and I quit," I reply with through gritted teeth while sitting tense behind the wheel. With that statement made, I follow my gut reaction and immediately pull the car over to the curb and slam on the brakes, causing the both of us to lurch forward and then slam back roughly into our seats with the abruptness of it. Without taking my eyes away from the road in front of the car I grind out, "Get out. I'm not taking your shit any more."

Heero looks out the window to the shops outside and realizes he is still a half a mile from his apartment building. "You've got to be kidding. " he says disgustedly. "It's pouring outside."

I did manage to turn my head to look at him this time. "If self-destructing in Wing didn't kill you, I doubt a little rain could hurt you other than washing away some of the taint." I reach over him and pull on the door knob, then push, allowing the door to swing open. "Get out now!"

Heero gives me his best glare but does as he's told. He stands in the pouring rain and turns to look back at me, his eyes immediately resting on the gun sitting on my lap and a momentary fear seems to overcome his anger. "Don't do anything stupid, Duo," he warns me.

"Get your own ride from now on," I snarl, then hit the gas peddle with a heavy foot. The car's wheels spin for a moment, failing to gain traction on the wet, slippery surface and sends a spray of gutter water up, soaking Heero completely. Then the car shoots off, the door slamming shut with the sudden forward momentum.

I drive tensely for several minutes, completely on automatic. I don't know what I feel exactly, but I know it's over. I'm done being the patsy. I feel wetness on my cheeks and realize that I'm crying. I don't know if it's from relief or sorrow that I've just ended my so called friendship with the man who has been the most important person in my life for several years. I wipe the tears away and decide they are the last ones I will ever spill for Heero Yuy. I know that for my own sanity and health that I can't stay here any longer. At the first opportunity, I make a U-turn and head back to the office. I just hope I can catch Director Une before she takes off for the evening.

*******

Dripping wet and standing alone in the rain on a deserted sidewalk, I watch in disbelief and anger at the fading red taillights. Shoving my fists into my soaked jacket pockets, I begin the long, miserable walk home.

During the half mile walk in the irritating deluge of rain, I go over my fight in the car with Duo, thinking of rebuttals I should have used in answer to Duo's diatribe. We engaged in this kind of fighting once or twice a year as Duo's highly emotional and needs to blow off steam. I'm not too worried, Duo always contacts me a week or two after any altercation we've had with a tentative invite to play basketball or some other activity and then things are right between us once again. 

I know Duo loves me, I've always known. But I can't give in and love him the way he wants me to, I just can't. That he's beautiful, there's no doubt. He's also kind, generous, thoughtful, forgiving and amusing. He is everything anyone would want in a lover. And even though Duo has been a warrior, has taken lives and suffered hardships, there is a purity about him. Those incredible eyes of his are the windows to his soul and display his deep emotions. Even though Duo thinks he's hiding behind the mask of a joker, I have always seen his pain, his sorrow and his love for me emanating from those beautiful orbs. Somehow, I've always known that Duo that was above me, too good for me, especially now that I've gone taken on a lifestyle that he despises.

The argument we've just had and the bitter feelings it left us both with makes me feel unsettled. Duo hit a lot of sensitive areas as he spewed his anger and resentment at me. I can't fathom what he said about our friendship being one sided. But then, recalling his words, I can't recall the last time I voluntarily called Duo to do something. I guess I never realized that before. I suppose I have just always counted on Duo's regularity of keeping in contact and suggesting we do something together that I waited for him to suggest something. I really didn't need to do anything because I could always rely on Duo setting things up, like he always did. Alright, I have to concede that he's correct on that point, that part of our friendship was one-sided. 

Still, it hurts to think that Duo doesn't believe I've been his friend. I've always enjoyed our time together. But for the last two years that I've been what I call "socially active", I finally discovered a way in which I don't need Duo as much as I had in the year after the first war, nor do I dwell on him or indulge any longer in my fantasy about what it would be like to hold him, to kiss him, and make slow and passionate love to him. My new way of life is a definite distraction from how I really feel about him and how to keep my self from acting on those emotions.

Water drips down from my completely saturated hair and into my eyes. I attempt to brush it aside and quicken my stride. Socially active. I turn the phrase over in my mind and around my tongue and release a disgusted snort at those words. The proper term that I avoid is aggressively sexually active. Duo's right on that count too. When he'd asked me for the number of people I've "played" with, I couldn't have give him a number, there have been too many. Just another reason I can never be with Duo. Duo has openly disagreed with my lifestyle, he said so from the very beginning. I still feel the sting of his declaration that I'm sick, addicted to sex. It hurts because he 's probably right. From the first night I experienced a sexual act in the bathroom stall of a night club, I wanted more. I felt a freedom I'd never experienced before and craved it over and over again. I discovered that it doesn't really matter who it is I'm doing it with, as long as they are reasonably attractive and willing to use protection. 

I thought I'd hidden my actions from Duo that first month, but I should have known better. It was wrong to assume Duo wouldn't know, the guy is a natural at stealth and information gathering. But that night, when he talked to me about my backroom liaisons, the disappointment on his face when he first spoke about my frequent sexual activities have haunted me these past two years. I had hurt and disgusted him at the same time. I never wanted that to happen, but in that moment I saw a new way to distance Duo from myself. His disgust with me would no doubt turn his affection elsewhere, thereby keeping him safe from me.

Because of this new plan and regardless of the hurt I knew I was causing Duo, I realized I wouldn't stop seeking out willing partners in the nightclubs. The feeling of liberation and choice were addicting to my senses. Even knowing I was hurting the only person who truly, though erroneously, loved me, I did the only thing he could think of when Duo came to me shortly after Wufei's attempted suicide and declared his love; I left him.

Moving out gave me my own space and freedom. I could now bring people home and carry out our sexual acts in the privacy and comfort of my home. I managed during the two years to only to have a few people as steady partners, our time together lasting maybe two weeks at the most. But that didn't hold me back, I soon found someone else who piqued my interest and quickly moved on to the next conquest. Then I came upon Alex. I was attracted to him from the moment my eyes rested on his face in one of the night clubs I rarely frequented. He was extremely handsome, and I really didn't come to know, until Wufei pointed it out, why I became obsessed with having him.

Wufei. There's a heaviness in my chest when I think about the Chinese man. He had stopped by to say hello while on a brief business trip in the city, and I was happy to see him and had politely invited him in. When Wufei entered the living room and laid his eyes on Alex lying on the floor in front of the fireplace with his bright floral shirt open, exposing his chest, and the top button of his pants undone, his mouth literally dropped. But it wasn't until I walked him down to the street to hail a cab, twenty uncomfortable minutes after he arrived, that I learned why he was being so stiff and somewhat hostile towards myself and Alex.

"Damn you, Heero," Wufei ground out between gritted teeth. "You are the most insensitive, selfish prick I have ever known. Has Duo seen that guy?"

I told him that I had seen Duo run out of a restaurant Alex and I were having dinner in, but he never said anything about it. Then I recalled that Duo hadn't talked to me for two weeks after that incident.

"So what if Duo saw me with Alex. He needs to get over this obsession with me and realize I have my own life," I replied calmly to Wufei's question, not seeing the murderous glare until after I'd finished speaking.

Wufei was so angry that his voice came out as a quiet hiss. "Do you even understand how choosing that...that person in your apartment as your lover gives a double message to Duo?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," I snapped back, not truly understanding Wufei's rage.

"You say you don't feel anything for Duo other than friendship, and prove it by sleeping with every Tom, Dick and Sherry, but then you take up with a guy who resembles Duo enough to be his twin brother. By the colonies, Heero, he's got the same face as Duo."

"That's ridiculous," I replied, but even as I said it, my mind registered the fact that Wufei was right. Except for the light brown, blond-streaked hair that was cut in a style more similar to my own messy hair and the brown eyes, Alex's facial structure did closely resemble Duo's.

Wufei must have seen the light of understanding in my eyes and snorted. "You didn't realize it, did you?" he asked. "You subconsciously chose a person who looks just like Duo, yet you reject him. He can only come to the conclusion that you dislike who he is and not his appearance."

"He's not like Duo at all," I grouched and shoved my hands in my pockets.

"Thank goodness for that ," Wufei said, still frowning. "Duo is a man of good character. I can count on him to guard my back. Can you say the same thing of that person in your apartment?" 

"This is none of your business, Wufei." I remember being angry and wanting the conversation to end. It had been a long time since I'd had to justify my actions and choices to anyone.

"You're right." They had reached the front door of the building and stepped outside where Wufei went directly to the curb to hail a taxi. " I sure as hell can't see what attracts you to such a person, but it is your choice and, as you say, it's none of my business." And that was how we had parted. 

I didn't seen Wufei again until we all met up at Quatre's annual Christmas gathering. I tried to talk Alex out of wearing the tight, pristine white jeans with the matching sweater, topped by the glistening white feather boa that wrapped around his neck. My current lover had replied that if my friends didn't like it, they could stuff it where the sun didn't shine. I had to be content that at least Alex hadn't put on the makeup he usually wore to the clubs.

Duo had traveled separately that year and I missed his company even though Alex was talkative enough to make up for it. It just seemed that my current lover always critiquing everyone and everything around him with a haughty, negative air. I overlooked it though; Alex had many other talents that were worth keeping him around.

Yet etched in my memory are those few days on L-4 and the look on my friends' faces when I walked into the Winner mansion with Alex draping an arm around my shoulders. Quatre and Trowa stood together with Wufei and Duo just to their left. The two who had never seen Alex before reacted by having their eyes widen with shock and their mouths fairly dropped open as we were ushered into the grand foyer, their astonishment was aimed directly at my clinging companion. Alex was not put off in the least by the uneasy greeting they offered him, he merely walked up and extended his limp-wristed hand to each of them in greeting, then turned to Wufei, who refused the hand but gave the slightest bow his head instead, and Duo quickly followed Wufei's example.

An awkward greeting of welcome came from Quatre, and after he cast a sympathetic glance to Duo, he invited us to follow a maid to our room and then to join them in the recreation room. The four then excused themselves, leaving us to follow the middle aged woman who was to lead us up the grand staircase.

I remember seeing Alex shoot me a look of disgust after the four were out of sight. "Isn't this place just tacky?" he said just under his breath with his critical eye scanning the grand entry. "I don't know who the Winner architect is, but the man should be sued." He knew his lover was just venting, reacting from the less then warm greeting, as Quatre's mansion was done in the best of taste and was elegant simplicity at its finest.

On the way up the long staircase, Alex had leaned over and grabbed a hold of my ass and rubbed it suggestively. "How many rooms do you think are in a place this big?" he whispered in his bedroom voice.

"I think there are fifteen bedrooms and at least half that many bathrooms, plus a formal living and dining room, entertainment room, billiard room, library, kitchen, laundry, offi.." Alex had stopped me from continuing.

"Thirty five or up, would you say?" he asked, and I nodded.

With a look that always boded serious fun, my lover leaned over to lick my ear and whisper. "Let's see how many rooms we can have sex in." The mere suggestion coupled with the tongue stroking my ear made me hard and needy, and it was a good forty minutes from the moment we rudely shut the door on the maid's startled face that the two of us emerged from the bedroom and counted it as number one on our list.

Things went downhill from there. I felt more uncomfortable around my former pilot friends than I'd ever been before. There was a great emotional distance that separated them from myself, especially with Alex in the room. It didn't help that my sexual partner couldn't keep his hands to himself, a habit that had never bothered me before, but in front of the other four it was extremely uncomfortable. Alex also had the habit of turning even the simplest phrase into a sexual innuendo, something that made t Quatre's three visiting sisters glare at him and then removed their children from the dining table. The others left the room with only Quatre staying behind for his talk about what was appropriate in his home. That ended the first dreadful day of our visit.

Alex and I kept up our private game, though at my insistence we were much more discrete. It was three days later, on Christmas morning, when things blew up. Alex and I left the living room where the guys, Quatre's sisters, their spouses and children were busy unwrapping an obscene amount of presents. Feeling it was safe, we began to work on eliminating the billiard room as one we'd not had sex in. My cheeks flush with embarrassment even now as I recall hearing the startled. feminine shriek from the doorway as a middle-aged maid discovered me naked and on top of Alex's nude body, thrusting deeply into him when she had unexpectedly opened the door. Two of the three people at that moment were shocked speechless. Then Alex, true to form, moaned for me to shut the damn door and hurry up. Shortly after, before Christmas dinner was served, we were asked to leave by a very livid Quatre, his two lovers backing him with fierce frowns of disapproval towards us social miscreants. I recall not having seen Duo since the night before that incident when we exchanged gifts, and didn't meet up with him again until the next week when he dutifully picked me up for work, more withdrawn than usual after the holidays.

In reaching my apartment building, I stand under the awning and try to wring out my soaked jacket and pants of the excess water they carried. Shaking my head violently, I send a spray of raindrops to land on the sidewalk. With a deep sigh and socks squishing in my soaked shoes, I drip my way up to the apartment.

I'm not the least bit surprised to see Alex lounging on the couch. The man never works, claiming a job related injury that has him on permanent disability. It seems Alex was only cut out for two things, sex and night clubs. Duo was right; he is the worst kind of lounge lizard. At the moment, he's wearing low cut jeans and a white shirt, four of the top buttons undone so that the pale chest is exposed. One slender leg is bent up, resting against the back of the couch, while the other lazily hung over the side of the couch. With a wine glass hanging loosely in his hand, he is a blatant invitation for sex. He looks up from the television and immediately laughs at my appearance.

"What in the hell happened to you, lover boy?" Alex is definitely amused as he looks me over, and I inwardly cringed at the lazily spoken drawl that I usually manage to overlook as irritating. 

"Duo kicked me out of the car about a half a mile from here," I answer sourly.

"I don't know why you put up with him," Alex says in his lazy manner of speaking and then takes a slow sip of his red wine. "Sure he's pretty, but that attitude of his is less than desirable. What's his trouble this time? Is he still brooding over that little upset at Christmas or does he think he's still got a chance with you?"

"Probably both," I answer, and I'm sorry for ever discussing Duo with Alex at all.

"Well, he can't have you, can he?" The pout Alex produces looks exactly like the one Duo had pulled when he was a young teenager. He'd outgrown pouting, but Alex, being older than Duo, hadn't.

"No," I reply shortly, causing Alex to look closer.

Putting his goblet down, the tall man comes to his feet and approaches me, standing wet and dripping on the tiled entry of the apartment. "You really are upset, aren't you?" He asks, then begins to pull the wet jacket from my hand and dumps it on the tiled floor. His long, painted fingernails begin to unbutton the front of my Preventer shirt that's sticking to my skin. "Well, Alex knows how to fix everything, doesn't he?"

I find himself stuck between two emotions, being aroused by Alex's seductive tempting along with my growing need, and thoroughly disliking yet another thing my lover does; it irritates the crap out of me they way the man always uses his own name when referring to himself.

I feel the belt on my pants being loosened, and within moments they are dropped to the floor.

"Humm, yummy," the taller man moans slightly with a grin on his face. "Alex likes a wet and dripping Heero."

I focus on the face, ignoring as much as possible all the things that irritate me about the man who is touching my body so intimately. I had denied it at first, even subconsciously hiding the real reason from myself as to why I had been so attracted to Alex in the first place. Duo was right yet again; Alex and I have nothing in common other than sex. I would never have believed I would be coupled with someone so effeminate and irritating. But since Chang's visit four months ago, I truly hadn't realized that the real reason I was with Alex was because he did resemble Duo. But unlike my braided friend, Alex was not pure in any way, shape or form, and that was the real reason he was here in my apartment and my bed and not Duo. I can't allow myself to give into my true desire and ruin that last bit of purity within Duo by becoming his tainted lover. I'm not fit to be with someone like Duo, I never have been, but I'm at a loss to understand why my friend doesn't recognize that fact himself? 

Reaching my hands up to take hold of the face in front of me, so similar in appearance to the real person I crave, and I study Alex's features. If I close my eyes just so, my vision blurs enough so that it becomes Duo's face that I am about to worship with my lips.

TBC

  
  


Author's note: *Ducks tomatoes* I had thought originally to end the story here, but Swordy convinced me to go on, so you can blame the next six chapters on her. ^_^


	2. Part 2

Shifting Perspective

By: Dyna Dee

Warnings and Disclaimers on first page of story. 

PART 2

***********

Quatre

It's early Sunday morning on the Colony L-4, and following my habitual daily routine, I'm up before everyone in the house and in my downstairs office at six a.m. I treasure the morning's quiet. It's the only uninterrupted time of my day when I can truly focus on the tasks needing extra time and full attention. I discovered during the wars that my mind is clear of the usual daily clutter when I first awaken, and I can give my full attention to reports or other work related tasks that falls under my job as the Head of Customer Relations for my family's corporation with a fresh mind and no phones or interruptions to disturb my concentration.

This morning, as usual, I pick up the morning paper on the front door step and make my way through the silent and still house to the kitchen. As the kitchen staff have Sunday mornings off, I make myself some tea and two crumpets, slathering both with gobs of butter and orange marmalade. With the paper under my arm, the cup of tea on a saucer in one hand and the plate of crumpets in the other, I make my way to my office.

I've always liked this particular room in the house with its comfortable furniture, dark red walls and a large desk that takes up most of the back wall. Behind it is a fine, deep-red leather chair that fits my body to comfortable perfection. There's a phenomenal sound system installed with speakers in each corner of the room, and a stack of classical CD's to help ease my mind on stressful days.

I've left my lovers sleeping contentedly upstairs in our over-sized bed. They are more than used to my rising early and I'm glad it doesn't disrupt their slumber in the slightest anymore. Just the thought of the two of them brings a contented smile to my face. I am a lucky and happy man to not only know and love two wonderful people, but to have their love in return. 

Opening the paper, I go first find the business section, purposely putting the comics aside to read later; a habit I picked up from Duo. After a few bites of my tasty crumpet and jelly, I bring my full cup of tea to my lips, appreciating the peppermint aroma that is carried by the steam to my nose. The sudden ringing of my private line in the stillness of the house startles me and I flinch. In doing so, I spill some of the hot beverage onto my lap.

Setting the cup down quickly into its saucer, I stand up and pull off my thick robe. It's a good thing the house rules are that pajamas have to be worn outside the bedroom, otherwise I'd be standing there in all my pale glory. Thank the merciful heavens for thick robes. Setting the damp robe aside, I sit back down and hope that whoever it is that's calling this early on a Sunday morning had better have a damn good reason for it.

Pressing the button for audio only, I answer the call with a simple, irritated hello.

"Quatre?" 

"I instantly recognize Duo's voice, and that something is wrong. I check the panel and see that Duo has visual, so with a touch of a button I activate the viewing screen and can see with my own two eyes that my hearing had been right. Something is definitely wrong because Duo looks like hell.

"Duo, what's the matter? Are you alright?" I ask anxiously.

Eyes that are red-rimmed and dark circled look back at me on the screen, Duo's face is etched with pain, and in seeing that, it makes me selfishly grateful for a brief moment that Duo isn't in close proximity as I'm sure his pain would echo unbearably through me. Duo usually has a huge tolerance for physical and mental pain, but it looks now like something serious has happened to affect him this way.

"I quit," Duo replies in a resigned voice, and those two words and his emotion-filled eyes tell me all I need to know for the moment. Those were the same words Wufei had used when Trowa and I embraced him on the roof of the Preventer building. I always cringe when I think about the pain our lover had been in up to that point and for some time after. Before that pain-filled day we hadn't been involved romantically with Wufei, but Trowa had I had seen in our frequent visits to Earth that things weren't well with our Chinese friend and it would only be a matter of time before he snapped. A few bad cases and a shuttle full of guilt from the two wars we'd been in had sent the emotionally charged Preventer to the very edge and attempting suicide. 

We had discussed what to do in the eventuality that one or any of our friends might need help or support. We jointly came to the conclusion that we would do anything to help any of them. I had the resources to help, and we both had the wherewithal to handle any emotional needs as well. There has always been an odd but definite fierce bond forged between the five of us Gundam pilots during the wars that cemented us all together emotionally, whether we liked each other or not. I didn't know if it was because we were all so young, in repeated dangerous situations with a common mission goal and suffering, or not. Whatever it was, it was strong enough so that, while holding Wufei on the Preventer's rooftop, and feeling the torrent of emotions thundering within him, I felt prompted to promise him a home, a new job away from law enforcing, and love, offered freely from Trowa and myself. It was with great relief that he'd accepted the offer, and he had done it simply and with dignity by turning to the other people who had followed them to the roof and telling them, "I quit".

In December, after the fiasco on Christmas Day with Heero and his lover, Duo was found by Trowa sitting in the corner of his room, literally pulling his hair out. The three of us knew of Duo's indefatigable and unrequited love for Heero, but we'd not been aware of just how much he'd been suffering until that moment. Duo has always been the master of hiding his feelings behind a smile, even with those he considers his closest friends. Along with my lovers, I led Duo to the office I'm now sitting in and sat Duo down for a long talk. With all openness and honesty and on behalf of my lovers, I offered Duo the same shelter as I had offered Wufei. This phone call and Duo's simple statement tells me that he was taking us up on the offer.

"Where are you? Do you need me to arrange a shuttle?" I ask him.

Duo shakes his head and winces slightly at the movement and I can only guess he has a good sized headache. "I'm at a bus terminal," he answers in a strained voice. "I don't want my movements traced so I'll use a fake I.D. to get a flight to L-4."

I'm sitting on the edge of my chair, studying my friend on the screen when a thought pops into my head. "Wait Duo." I turn to my computer and boot it up. "If I remember right, I have a shuttle coming up with a couple of company employees who are returning tonight from a symposium, let me check on it." I turn only after Duo nods and proceed to pull up the necessary data. 

Turning back to my tired and worn-out looking friend, I give him the information I've found. "Do you think you can make it to Luxemburg by five this evening?" I ask. 

Duo checks the time on his wrist watch, then nods. "If I can get a hopper flight from here, I can be there in a few hours," he answers.

"I'll contact them immediately and they'll be waiting for you. The shuttle will be at gate 23, and will stay there until your arrival. There will be no records to trace this way," I add, and begin to look up the shuttle pilot's contact number.

"Thanks Quatre." Duo says it so wearily, that I looked back at the screen to recognize the signs of exhaustion on his face. 

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" I ask, concerned at his present physical and mental state.

"I've just had enough, Quatre," Duo replies, sounding and looking sadly defeated. "I just can't take it any more."

"Then come quickly. We'll be waiting for you at the shuttle dock, alright?"

The brown braided head nods and the connection is severed.

I sit back in my chair and close my eyes. I need to tell Trowa and Wufei that there might be a shift in our relationships again. But I don't think either of them will mind as Duo is their friend as well as mine. He's our comrade and he's in pain. We had discussed this after our chat with Duo on Christmas Day and I know they will join me and do whatever they can to help him. Duo is ours by way of that odd connection as much as we are his. Now we only have to convince him of that fact and keep him from hurting himself on the path of becoming whole again. ******

Trowa

At precisely eleven forty five p.m., the Winner Corporation's private shuttle carrying Duo entered the docking bay. After it's secured, the passengers that I watch disembark are people I'm familiar with from the company headquarters. They greet me politely and I nod to them in turn, managing a slight smile for each of them, then turn my head back to the gate to look for Duo. 

Except for the crew members, he is the last passenger to leave the shuttle. His eyes, looking dark rimmed and tired, search the small terminal until they find me. With an acknowledging nod of his head, he then gives me a token smile. I can tell how much that smile costs him, his eyes clearly display his pain while his mouth lies for him by keeping up the false grin.

"You look tired," I tell him as we draw near to each other, my concern growing at his haggard appearance .

"I am. Thanks for meeting me," he says quietly and subdued. "I don't think I have the energy to call a taxi."

"Let's get you home then," I say and start to move towards the exit, motioning for him to follow. But after a few steps, I notice that his feet haven't moved from the spot where I left a moment ago, I look over my shoulder and turn back to him. "Duo?" I ask approaching him again. "Are you okay?"

Instead of answering with words, my braided friend lunges forward and I open my arms just in time to receive his fierce hug. "Tell me it's gonna be okay, Trowa." Duo asks softly, his quiet voice pleading for me to answer him positively as his grip on my body is a tight as a drowning man's handhold onto a lifesaver.

I reach up automatically to return the hug, my hands rubbing soothing circles on his back. I know exactly how he feels, all of us former gundam pilots have felt those moment of desperation, not knowing if we could go on or not. "Quatre, Wufei and I are committed to seeing that it is Duo. We've got your back now and, though we've always been here for you, this is truly the first time you've needed us enough to reach back."

Duo holds on if not tighter. "I had my gun pressed against Heero's forehead, Trowa. And it was so tempting...I almost pulled the trigger."

"But you didn't do it, did you?" I ask in a soothing tone. "You went to the edge but pulled back just in time. Now let us help you stand back from it completely." Duo pulls away from me, just slightly, and I search his uncertain eyes. They're still blood shot and pulled down with exhaustion and dry of any trace of tears. Reaching my right hand up, I gently touch his face, my fingers rest against his fair cheek, and not for the first time do I feel awed by the beauty of the smaller man in front of me. "Can you trust us Duo?" I ask, knowing his trust is the foundation for whatever relationship he might seek from us.

"I always have, you know?" His eyes look into mine, so full of need and trust.

I smile and nod, then lower my hand from his face and take his elbow to lead him to the car I have waiting outside. "We've all taken the next couple of days off to be with you and help you get settled," I tell him.

Duo tilts his head and looks aside at me. "You guys don't have to do that," he says honestly. "I'm not suicidal or anything, just emotionally sucked dry."

I nod, understanding completely. I had felt the same way after the war, and it was only Quatre's efforts that pulled me out of my cold shell and emotional insecurities. I've learned what true and selfless love is at the small and tender hands of my Arabian lover. Having rescued me from my nightmares and my troubled past, he's taught me to turn that around, to use my past hurt to recognize another's pain and try to help ease it, especially in the lives of our friends. 

The car is parked outside in Quatre's reserved space and, after I open it, Duo tosses his two bags into the trunk, then we both climb into our proper seats. I key in my hand print on the black square placed in the dashboard of the car to start it, then direct the computer to take us back home. Duo drops his head back on the top of his seat and closes his eyes and the rest of the drive home is accomplished in silence.

The short drive takes only ten minutes, and as I latch onto Duo's elbow to support him, I lead him up the stairs and to the front door. I key in the security code on the front panel, still holding his arm and I can feel his body starting to tremble under my hand. "What's the matter?" I ask him with growing concern.

Exhausted eyes looked up into mine. "I'm just so damn tired Tro, I feel like I'm going to drop right here and sleep for a week."

"You can sleep as long as you want to, Duo. And when you feel ready to get up, you'll have a whole new life here for you, one I hope you'll learn to be as happy with as Wufei and I have."

Those words must have meant a lot to the lost soul I stand next to, because as I spoke them, I could see Duo's eyes fill with unshed moisture and then he nods his head. "Thanks," he whispers, and then lowers his eyelids. I turn to reach for the door knob and open the large front door to the mansion I call home and gently lead him in.

The lights are still on and I know Quatre and Wufei were waiting for me to return with Duo. We've been anxious all day for his arrival, especially after Quatre related to us the state he'd seen Duo in on the vid screen. As we step through the door, I'm pleased but not surprised to see the two standing side by side in the foyer waiting to greet us. Quatre takes one look at Duo then quickly approaches him and gently enfolds the emotionally hurt young man into his compassionate arms.

"Oh, Duo," he whispers, his face wincing at the emotional pain he feels emanating off our friend. Duo's arms come up and circle around Quatre's slender body and the two friends just stand and hold each other for several moments. When Duo's arms drop, Quatre steps back so they can speak face to face.

With a gentle smile, Quatre holds out his hand. "Welcome home, Duo," he says with warmth and sincerity. 

"Thanks, Quat." We all watch Duo struggling to smile, and he only half succeeds as he stretched out his hand and placed it and his future into the blond's more than capable care.

"Come on, you're tired. Do you want to shower or have something to eat before bed?" Quatre inquires thoughtfully, always a good host.

Duo shakes his head. "I'm really too tired to do anything," he replies with a deep yawn.

"Then I'll have Wufei escort you to your room. We'll talk whenever you feel like it, okay?"

"I appreciate it," Duo mumbles, looking like he is about ready to collapse. 

Quatre turns his head to glance at Wufei and gives him a significant look. Our Chinese lover nods back with a slight smile then steps forward. Picking up Duo's bags near his feet, he puts his arm around the slender shoulders and steers the exhausted young man towards the staircase while Quatre and I bid them both goodnight.

My blond lover turns into me and wraps his arms around my waist, hugging me tightly. "He's in so much pain, Trowa. I don't know how he bears it," he whispered emotionally into my chest.

"He's here now and we'll do what we can to help him," I say softly, trying to console him. I don't want Quatre to know pain or hurt any more, but with his space heart it's almost impossible to shield him from the pain others suffer and that he feels their emotions so deeply. I hold him close, wishing I could forever shelter his kind soul while knowing I can't, not completely.

"It's late, let's go to bed so we can be rested to deal with whatever happens tomorrow," I whisper into the silky blond hair resting just below my cheek.

"Yes, Duo's in capable hands tonight. We'll deal with everything else tomorrow, when he wakes up," he replies. And with that said, we move together to turn out the lights, then make our way up the grand staircase and with arms wrapped around each other, enter the master suite.

**********

Wufei

I lead Duo up the grand staircase towards the bedroom that had always been his whenever he's visited. With my arm around his shoulders guiding him along, I maneuver him into the dark but familiar room and flip the switch on the wall that turns on the lights. Then moving towards the direction of the adjoining bathroom, I turn on that light and return to the immobile figure, standing with his shoulders slumped with exhaustion and gently push him forward.

"Go ahead and wash up and I'll wait here to see you get into bed and not fall asleep on the floor in there," I tease him. But my dry sense of humor is lost on the fatigued man and I can't help but wonder how long it has been since he's slept.

Two minutes later he came out with his face washed and teeth brushed. He stands mutely before me waiting to be told what to do. I go to him and ease off his jacket and begin to unbutton his shirt. He stands listlessly before me and I know he's completely emotionally and physically drained for him to just stand there and let me undress him. But when I come to the button on the waistband of his jeans, I pause with hesitation, not wanting to be presumptuous. 

"I'll do it," he says, his pale cheeks pinking with a blush I've rarely ever seen on him. I stand by and wait patiently until he's standing in his boxers and undershirt, then point him to the bed that I have already turned down. "Climb in," I tell him, and he dutifully complies. It isn't until I begin to crawl in with him that he truly realizes what's happening.

"W..what are ya d..d..doing Wu?" he stutters.

"I'm keeping you company," I answer in a matter of fact tone of voice.

"Um...I..a...don't think I'm ready for this yet." He trips over his words with trepidation written on his face. "I know you guys are probably under the impression that I was ready to jump into your bed, and when I called Quatre this morning I was determined to. But..., but now I'm just not sure if I can do that right away."

"Shhh," I put my fingertips over his fast moving lips. "No one expects anything from you, Duo. We made you an offer at Christmas, the same offer that was given to me when I was about to put myself out of my misery." I look into his face to see if he is absorbing anything I am saying while in his current exhausted state. "You can make as much or as little of the offer that you want to." I continue. "It's up to you how far you want your relationship with us to go. We can be lovers or just the best of friends if that is what you need and want. Whatever you decided, we are here for you." I finish speaking and see a skeptical look on his face and a raised, questioning eyebrow and realize I'll need to spell it out a bit more for him.

"Listen, Duo," I patiently begin again. "When I was brought here by Trowa and Quatre, after my feeble attempt at suicide, I had a couple of really bad hours, no," I amended, "make that days. On that first night here, the three of us went to sleep together because they were afraid to let me be alone. I was put in the middle of Quatre and Trowa's bed and they guarded my sleep, sleeping near me, sheltering me on both sides so that I would know that I wasn't alone. It was more comforting than I can express to you, Duo. And from that night on, I have never been nor felt alone, other than when I'm out of town. Because of that, and the very fact that Trowa and Quatre genuinely love me and I love them, I was saved from my past, my guilt, and my nightmares. And so in return for my life being made whole again, I asked to be the one to guard your sleep tonight, and that's all. I think if you even subconsciously know a friend is near, that you aren't alone anymore, you'll sleep more restfully, like I did back then."

Duo looks up at me with his beautiful, expressive eyes. "You really mean to just sleep next to me?" he asks timidly and in a way I find unusual for him and much too endearing.

"Yes," I answer with a slight smile of reassurance. "Will you let me give to you the rest and security that was given to me?" 

He hesitates only a moment before he scoots over to make more room for me. "Okay," he says. "But I have to warn you, I haven't slept in a bed with another person in a long time and I have some really hellish dreams sometimes."

"I hadn't either before I came here, but it only took a night or two for me to never want to sleep alone again," I tell him with all honesty.

We both settled into our places and even though we're not touching, I know that he lays stiff and nervous beside me. "You need to relax Duo or you'll never go to sleep," I gently admonish.

"I know," he sighs, deeply weary. "This is just strange for me, and I think I'm too tired to sleep. Sounds stupid, doesn't it?"

"No, not at all. Here," I turn onto my side to look directly at him. "Turn on your side facing away from me." 

With a leery eye, he does as I asked, though he moved almost reluctantly. I spoon my body up behind him and place my arms around him, holding his back against my chest, his head on my lower arm. We slightly adjust our positions once again to gain some comfort, then settle down. He's still rigid.

"Alright, we'll try an old relaxing technique to calm your mind and body," I tell him. "I'm going to call out to you a body part and I want you to relax it, mentally and physically loosen the muscles until they feel like dead weight, one limb or body part at a time," I say, hoping this will work in getting him to relax enough for him to get his much needed sleep. "First, I want you to relax your toes, let all the tension go out of them." After a moment he nods, telling me he has complied with my instructions. "Now your feet, let them fall heavy against the mattress." After several moments he nods again. We then moved upward, relaxing his legs, his fingers and hand, then his arms, shoulders, neck, jaw, eyes, and then his mind. Moments later I'm rewarded in hearing his breathing following a sleeping pattern and, feeling quite satisfied with myself, I allow myself to drift off to sleep, enjoying the soft floral scent of his hair that rests against my face, and the feel of the smaller, compact and warm body, so much like Quatre's, resting trustingly in my arms. My last thoughts are those of satisfied relief that Duo is here, that he came to us in his hour of need, and that somehow, things are going to be alright.

********

Preventer Agent

"I can't believe this," I mutter angrily, concentrating on the information scrolling down on my computer screen. "Who the hell did this and how can I have him arrested?" I growl out unhappily. I jump slightly at an unexpected and acerbic voice speaking in an abrupt manner to me from the doorway of my new office.

"Who are you and what are you doing on Agent Maxwell's computer?" The person I can almost see in my peripheral vision challenges me from the open doorway to my small office. I sigh deeply; great, here's another one.

"Agent Maxwell is gone, I'm his replacement," I answer without looking away from the screen at yet another Preventer employee inquiring about the obviously popular young man who had once worked from this room. "And no," I snap, anticipating the next question, "I don't know where he went or any other of the one hundred questions I've been asked about him since I transferred here two and a half weeks ago." Well, I guess I could have been more friendly, but my voice comes out as it usually does, inferring that I'm bored, which I am, from the repetition of having answered the same questions over and over again.

"He's gone?" 

There's a tone of bewildered hurt in that voice and as I recognize it, I manage to tear my eyes away from the offensive screen to see a young, part-Asian and handsome agent with a mop of unruly dark brown hair, standing in the doorway. The deep blue eyes seem to be searching the room as if he will find evidence of the other agent. I now recognize the person who had been described to me in great detail when I first started here and was assigned to this room.

"You're Yuy, aren't you?" I ask, absently straightening the desk name plate that displays my name, Agent Brian White. Seeing a spot on it, I lift it up and polish the finger print off with my shirt sleeve, then set it back down and reposition it. Only then do I look up again. 

Piercing blue eyes have returned to me and I can't help the shiver that goes up my spine at the intensity of the young man's gaze. Damn, but they're recruiting them younger and younger. This guy looks to be at least fifteen years younger than I am, and trim to boot. I need to get in the gym and exercise the beer belly off of my middle. The young agent merely nods his head in reply to my question as to his identity.

"I was told that if you ever stopped by to inquire about Maxwell that I was to direct you to Director Une's office," I tell him then grumble, "I think everyone in the entire building has been here, and you're the last, I hope." Getting no reply, I look with curiosity at the other Preventer and note the blank expression on his face. "I'm guessing you weren't particularly close to him, were you? Seems like the guy had a ton of friends in the office and the asshole was insensitive enough to leave without letting anyone know. Oh well, far be it from me to judge," I say, then studying the other agent further, I take in the fact that his uniform is perfectly ironed and crisp looking, even after several hours of work. Yeah, I'm envious.

I can almost swear that Agent Yuy is glaring at me. Guess he didn't like something I said. I watch as he rudely turns on his heel and leaves the doorway without a word in response.

"Geeze, I wonder what his problem is?" I grump out loud, wondering at the younger man's rudeness as he leaves the room. With a huff of disgust, I look back at my computer screen and resume my work with some degree of frustration. Whoever this Agent Maxwell was, he sure screwed up this computer. Even though it was reported to have been wiped clear of the previous agent's documents and work, I discovered a week later, after imputing information regarding my newly assigned cases, that a small cartoon caricature of the Gundam Deathscythe Hell randomly appears on the screen and hacks at whatever page is on the screen until it's unreadable. I take the time to think a few very bad thoughts about Agent Duo Maxwell as I dig in and try once again to find and delete the irritating and damaging program.

********

Une

I was in the middle of speaking to Noin when I looked up at a new intrusion into my office. Heero just burst through the door without a knock on the door of going through my secretary for permission to enter. The look on his face is down right frightening, and I know an uncomfortable meeting between the two of us is about to occur. "If you'll excuse us for a minute, Lu, I need to speak with Heero," I tell the raven haired woman who is my best friend. Lucretia Noin looks at Heero, with his famous glare in full working order, gives him an uncertain smile of greeting, then quickly leaves the room.

"Where is he?" Heero demands, a look of desperate anxiousness in his eyes.

"He's gone, Heero," I reply simply, keeping my voice calm in an effort to keep Heero subdued.

"I know that," he spits out. "I want to know where he's gone to."

Moving slowly back to my desk and sitting in my chair, I remind myself that I'm a very capable and confident woman, I can deal with this angry and dangerous individual calmly and rationally. After all, I have been expecting his visit for the past few weeks. I rest my arms on the chair's armrests, and look up at him questioningly. "Why Heero? Why is it so important for you to know where Duo's gone when you haven't even realized he's been gone until now? He left three weeks ago and you never even noticed."

"We had a disagreement and I was giving him time and space to get over it. I want to make it right between us," Heero answers in a short, clipped voice. 

"Well, I heard that there was a little bit more to it than that, but that's alright, I know the truth. And for that very reason, I'm not telling you where he's gone. It was Duo's choice to leave and make a fresh start, one away from you, Heero. I think I owe it to him to respect his wishes that you not be told."

"He was very upset. He had his gun in his hand when I last saw him." Heero replies, and I think he's secretly hoping that if he sounds desperate enough, I'll let something slip. He should know better than that. I wasn't born yesterday and I've dealt with Duo Maxwell for several years, and believe me, that young man put me through the paces enough time to be able to spot anyone's ploy to get something from me in any manner of ways.

"Yes, he was very upset," I reply. "He came back here the night you two fought in the car and resigned. I've never seen him filled with such cold anger before. It was very disturbing." I take just a moment to observe one of the agency's finest agents. I already lost two of three former gundam pilots that worked for me for personal, emotional reasons, and I'll be damned if I'm going to lose another because I failed to be responsive to his emotional problems, like I failed with Wufei and Duo. I had known they were both going through a rough time, and though Duo accepted the medical assistance for his depression, it hadn't been enough to help that young man deal with Heero's continual distancing and he adamantly refused to have a third party intervention between himself and his best friend. "Sit down Agent Yuy." I motion to the chair that sits in front of my tidy desk.

Regardless of the stubborn spark in Heero's eye, he complies.

"Heero," I begin by saying his name with concern. "I wouldn't let Duo resign until he sat down and told me what had upset him so much. We spoke of you."

Agent Yuy's knuckles turn white as he grips the arm rests of his chair. "Duo had no right to speak to you regarding my personal life."

"Maybe so." I sit back into my comfortable chair and keep a careful watch on the very young and possibly emotionally disturbed young man in front of me. "But he did, and now I'm concerned, too."

"Don't be. My personal life does not reflect on my work here at the Preventers. I'm making my own decision for once in my life and I'll not be brought to regret that freedom by people with narrow minds." He glares at me, regardless of the fact that I'm his superior officer, and speaks to me in a vehement tone of voice.

"Narrow minds have nothing to do with this Heero. I'm not passing judgment on your being sexually active. However, if what Duo said was true, you're definitely showing signs of addiction. Can you possibly go without sexual contact for more than a day or two?"

"I'm in a relationship, I don't have to," he answers in his usual logical manner.

"Yes, I've heard about your boyfriend, and not only from Duo. Is there an underlying reason why he looks just like your best friend?"

"As Duo clearly pointed out, we're not best friends and you're not a psychiatrist."

I narrow my eyes at the insubordination coming from the young man sitting stiffly before me. "No, and I can only recommend that you see one to figure out why you're doing the things you do," I reply in a cool tone. "I understand you've alienated yourself from the other pilots with your lifestyle and companion, and that worries me Heero. Your relationship with the others seemed to be important to all of you once. Are you truly going to be okay without them in your life?"

Heero stands suddenly from his seat, indicating he's done conversing with me. "I've been without Duo for three weeks and I haven't missed him at all. I'll be fine," he states firmly. He then turns to leave the room when I stop him with a parting comment.

"I'll be watching your work Heero, and if I find your lifestyle affecting your job performance, I'll force you to seek help or you'll lose your job."

Suddenly, and not for the first time, I feel much too young to be in such a vaulted position as the head of the world's peacekeeping organization. I sigh deeply as Heero all but stomps out the door and into my secretary's office on his way out. I've discharged part of my promise to Duo before he left of talking to Heero and suggesting he get counseling. Closing my eyes I can still picture Duo, red faced and livid. It was strange, when reflecting back, that I remember thinking that Duo had looked breathtakingly handsome in such a highly agitated state. His large, blue-violet eyes were flashing with anger and his fair cheeks were flushed with color. I had just finished up and was leaving for the day when he'd burst into my office and announced his was quitting his position. It had taken some patience and twenty minutes to get him to settle down enough to sit and speak rationally to me. What I'd heard that night was still surprising, if not shocking.

Convincing him that I wouldn't let him resign without a plausible explanation, the young man, only twenty years old but with a lifetime of hardship and heartache, began ranting about his stupidity and then about Heero. It didn't take long to put two and two together and realize that Duo had fallen in love with his friend.

"How long have you been in love with him, Duo?" I'd asked him, and his head jerked up in surprise.

Suddenly his shoulder's slumped and he hung his head. It was a side of Duo Maxwell that I rarely saw, he looked vulnerable, young, hurt and insecure.

"Since the first war," he answered, almost in a whisper that still managed to carry his feelings of embarrassment at his confession. "I tried to hide it, to deny it, but I just couldn't. But when I told Heero how I felt, he told me he didn't feel the same about me. I'm sure you think I'm an idiot for not letting him go sooner, I know I feel like one now."

"No, not at all, Duo. The heart sometimes lead us down painful paths, and it takes us a while to learn from our mistakes." I answered and smiled at him, reassuring him of the fact that I still held him in high esteem.

It was then that Duo looked up at me with surprise, and with a little more coaxing, his words came tumbling out, painfully at times, as his need to have someone listen to him took over his earlier reservations. He never once broke his composure, only his expressive eyes revealed his heartbreak as he told me his history with Heero. Needless to say, I was shocked to learn of Heero's sexual promiscuity. I had prided myself on knowing somewhat about the agents in my building, especially my top performers, but I hadn't known Heero's sexual dalliances were as bad as Duo had reported. I had been aware that relations between the two former gundam pilots had been strained at times, but then I'd see them playing basketball together and would dismiss the idea that their friendship was in trouble. 

I lean forward in my seat, letting go of the memory of the heartbroken and angry young man who had sat in this office three weeks ago and poured his heart and soul out to me before he left his job and his home, and dismiss thoughts and guilt of my unsuccessful meeting with Heero moments earlier. It's only late morning and I'm ready to go home. Instead of giving into my selfish wants, I take a deep breath, let it out slowly, then delve into the large stack of papers marked "Priority" to my right and resume my work.

TBC


	3. Part 3

Author's note: Alright, I give in. I'll post who's POV is at the beginning of each *********

Shifting Perspective

By: Dyna Dee

PART 3

**********

Heero

"I'll be watching your work Heero, and if I find your lifestyle is affecting your job performance, I'll force you to seek professional help or you'll lose your job."

I acknowledge Une's statement with a nod and a glare of unhappiness at her seeming lack of trust in me and in butting into my business. Turning once again, I leave the room, my rapid, forceful footsteps clearly indicating my anger to anyone unfortunate enough to be in my path. No doubt the scowl on my face is the reason those workers in the hallways are giving me a wide berth as I storm my way back to the sanctuary of my office. Once I reach it, I throw myself into my chair and turn to my computer screen.

"So what if Duo's gone." I mumble angrily to myself. 'Maybe he was right to leave. We weren't friends anyway, or so he claimed, so I can't be hurt or lonely because the idiot's gone. I always have Alex to hang around with.' Those thoughts ring hollow in my mind. My eyebrows draw in tightly as I remember my last conversation with Duo, which ultimately brings back the plaguing doubts that have come into my head since the day we fought in the car. Duo isn't an idiot; I probably know that more than anyone and, somehow, he knew that other than sex, Alex and I don't have anything in common. To my knowledge, my live-in lover has never played basketball or bowled, and the closest he's come to playing pool was when he was naked and on his back on Quatre's billiard table. Alex dismisses even the hint of a suggestion of any kind of physical activities, other than sex, saying that if he did work out and one of those disability investigators that has been bugging him lately took a picture of him, capturing his more than capable abilities, he would lose his monthly disability check. Alex always finds it amusing that he found a way around having to work for a living. He discovered a young and gullible doctor and carefully seduced him. Once he'd had the man wrapped around his fingers, he coerced him into writing up a false medical report stating he had a slipped disk in his back that prevented him from working. That piece of paper got him the labeled as disabled, and the government pays him enough money in a monthly check to allow him to sit on his ass all day, primping himself for when I come home. The slothful slug of a bedmate cooks only an occasional meal, does only his own laundry and, once in a rare while, washes the sheets and picks up after himself. Those are his only redeeming qualities as a roommate.

Closing my eyes, I sigh deeply. Ever since Christmas ... no, since my argument with Duo, it has become increasing harder to tolerate the man I loosely term as my lover. The word love has never entered my head concerning Alex, and those words will never pass the other man's lips as well. Alex's heart has room for only one person, and that's himself. It's funny, I can't even say that about myself, because for a long time I've hated who and what I am. I hate the nightmares, and the memory of the deaths I've caused and remembering hearing myself laugh in victory when I defeated an enemy, causing his death. How could anyone love me when I loathe myself.

But at least I'm honest with myself, to some extent, in knowing that Alex and I are getting exactly what we want out of our relationship, but it will never be close to anything resembling love. One thing I've learned from all my many liaisons is that sex does not equate to friendship and definitely not love. I've reserved those fleeting feelings for persons deserving those lofty emotions, having had them only for the other four pilots which I'm now ostracized from.

'It won't last,' I tell myself. From the moment that thought pops into my head, I don't know if I'm thinking about my relationship with Alex, or if I was mentally referring to Duo and the other former pilots keeping me out in the cold for an indefinite amount of time. I can count on Quatre and Duo to have soft hearts where I'm concerned, they can't hold out for long, I'm sure of it. Feeling more confident as I come to that conclusion, that this situation will not last for long, I feel a bit better and find I can finally calm myself enough to return to my work.

************

Alex

He nearly scared the shit out of me when he slammed the door open and stormed into the apartment, his eyes dark and forbidding. Who the hell does he think he is glaring at me like that and interrupting me while I'm watching my favorite talk show? 

"What's wrong, Heero?" I ask him, trying not to let my irritation show.

With a glare I've come to know as dangerous, he snaps at me. "I'm going to take a shower. I've had a hellish day at work." He throws off his jacket and stomps off towards the bedroom.

Funny, he's had other bad days at work and they almost always centered around his so-called friend, Duo.

Mr. Duo Maxwell, what a prick. He didn't make that much of an impression on me at the ridiculous Christmas get together Heero says he goes to every year. Well, we sure showed them we know how to have a good time. But I'd seen pictures of Duo before that visit, ones that Heero has kept of him in a box under his side of the bed, of all of them, though he'd be mad as hell if he knew I'd snooped into his private things. But damn, his long-haired friend photographs well. My first impression of him was that he's gorgeous. Well, of course, he looks like me enough that we could be mistaken as brothers, and I'm actually jealous of his much longer, thick and vibrant hair, and the color of his eyes, it goes without saying they are an unbelievable shade of blue-violet, making my ordinary brown ones pale in comparison. Wonder what Heero would say if I bought contacts the same shade as his crush/best friend?

I'm not a complete idiot, I know exactly why Heero has kept me around longer than any of his former flings. Only a blind man would be fool enough not to see that Heero lusts after his braided friend. It's odd, now that I think about it, they don't have much of a friendship, but they seem connected in a way that they just can't let go of each other. They've put up with each other's shit and still hang around for more. But Duo Maxwell is an idiot to let Heero enjoy the advantages of his friendship and not require him to give anything back. I should know, I've been living with and giving out to Heero for four months, give or take a few weeks, and though he's sexy as hell to look at and a tornado in bed, his personality is as warm as a brick of ice in an igloo. Out of the bedroom, he's cold and distant and I don't think he's capable of any emotion other than anger and disgust. He always wears this blank expression on his face that only changes in the middle of some sexual act, and that's where I fit in. You see, Heero is used to calling the shots, he has some innate need to have control over whatever situation he's in. Unfortunately for him, that doesn't work well in real life. He can't control all aspects of his work environment nor how people react to him. Duo serves as a good example as so his friend's living in the Winner mansion. I don't think he ever imagined Quatre would kick him out of his home. But as I look up at him in the middle of our usual form of recreation, I can see a trace of liberation in his face, of letting go of all the restraints he puts on himself while we're going at it. It seems to be the only time he can really lower his emotional shields and feel he's in control once again, and I can visibly the change in him as his face softens, the harsh and bitter lines that are usually there disappear. I have to admit that I love that look. That is when Heero becomes incredibly irresistible, approachable and almost vulnerable. It doesn't last long, and it almost makes up for him being an ass the rest of the time. So call Alex selfish and a masochist for sticking around this Jekyll and Hyde character. In return for giving my body to an emotionally dead man, I have a cool place to stay, all the food and t.v. I want, and a bloody sex machine going at me every night. I've got it better than most guys with my limited resources, and I'll do anything I have to in order to keep it this way.

I hear the shower going and am tempted to join him, knowing he usually likes that, but that scowl on his face when he came through the front door was a clear warning not to follow. I'll just be ready to play when he comes out. I look around the room to make sure there is no sign that Kyle has been here this afternoon. There's a reason why I have candles burning each night when Heero comes home from work, and that's to mask the scent of sex in the room. I don't want to risk being kicked out of here, it's one of the better apartments I've stayed in and Heero is more than willing to put up with my laziness as long as I'm ready, willing and able to put out for him, which I always am. I like it here, but I'm not giving up my own pleasures just for Heero, and believe me, I'm too smart to tell him that. Kyle is my secret indulgence, and my assignations with him are all pleasure. He's warm where Heero is cold, thoughtful where my lover is distant and aloof. Regardless of that, I can't afford for Heero to get bored with me or our situation. Maybe, in a couple of weeks, I'll introduce him to another level of debauched pleasure and see where it takes us. Heero usually likes surprises, but only in bed.

The shower goes off and I begin to unbutton my shirt and jeans, sliding them off to leave myself naked for him. No sense beating around the bush with Heero. When he comes home in a foul mood, I know he will want to give it to me hard and fast. That's fine by me, as long as he uses lube.

The door to the bedroom flies open and Heero is standing in the door frame in all his bronze-skin glory, his chest glistening, still slightly damp, and his mop of damp hair, ruffled from a quick swipe of a towel, falling in a sexy way into his eyes, and wearing only a loosely draped towel that covers his lean hips. His eyes lock on me, standing in the living room naked and becoming aroused at the sight of him, and I guess I meet his approval as he gives me a crooked, knowing smile, as if he expected nothing else from me. With the crook of his finger he motions me into the bedroom and a shiver of anticipation courses through me. This is going to be fun.

Two rounds and a very sore ass later, Heero collapses next to me breathing heavily. Our labored breathing is the only sound in the room for several minutes before I venture to speak. "What went wrong at work today?" I ask while lying flat on my back and reaching for the towel, used and discarded earlier and lying next to my head. I carefully begin to clean myself off and turn my head to look at him for an answer.

"Duo quit and left after our fight three weeks ago. Une won't tell me where he went," he answers with a tinge of bitterness in his voice. 

"Well, maybe it's for the best," I say, trying to sound consoling, though I've not had much practice at that and it comes out sounding rather awkward.

Heero snorts with disgust and turns away from me, pulling up the blankets up to his shoulders to cover his nakedness.

"After all," I continue, not liking the strained silence, "you two haven't gotten along in quite a while. It's probably best that he moves on."

"Shut up Alex, you don't know what you're talking about," Heero snaps, and that really irritates the hell out of me when I was honestly trying to be nice to him. I hold in my angry retort, not being anybody's fool. I learned quite young when to talk and when to shut up for self preservation's sake, but I'm fuming right now and Heero lies next to me as silent and cold as a stone. That's the thanks I get for putting out, twice. My ass is painfully sore and I know I'll be calling Kyle tomorrow after Heero goes to work to tell him not to come over at his usual time. I'm not going to be in the mood or physical condition to have him plow into me after Heero's rough assault tonight. I sigh deeply, turn over, pull up the covers up and over my bare shoulders and focus on going to sleep. Damn bastard.

***********

Trowa

Looking up from the report in front of me, I glare at the vid phone, willing it to stop ringing. It's almost been impossible to get any work done today, especially when the phone interrupts my concentration every five minutes. I hit the I.D. display number and see that it is one Heero Yuy calling me. Taking in a deep breath and readying myself, I hit the accept call and the vid screen button. Heero's troubled face flashes up on the screen, he's frowning and looking a bit frustrated.

"Heero," is my simple, somber greeting.

"Trowa," he says back, then continues, straight to business as usual. "Duo's gone, do you know where he is?"

"I might," I reply evasively. "Why do you want to know?"

He glares at me, obviously not wanting to reveal anything. "We had a fight a month ago and then he quit the Preventers. I've checked with his landlord and he left that weekend donating all his furniture to the homeless shelter." He then lowers his voice, speaking more softly. "We parted badly and I want to make sure he's alright."

"We've had contact with him and he's doing better than he was when you last saw him, Heero. He's got a job and a place to stay. He's fine, so you can let your conscience rest on that part."

"He won't answer my e-mails, does he have a new address?" he asks while getting a paper and pencil in hand.

"Yes, but I'm not giving it to you. Duo knows your e-mail address very well, and if he wants to contact you, it will be entirely up to him."

"Trowa," Heero growls out my name. "I have rarely asked you for anything, but I need to talk to Duo."

Now I was getting angry, thinking of all the hurt and pain Heero has given Duo over the last couple of years. Hasn't he hurt him enough? Why does he find it necessary to track him down and hurt him again? "Listen Heero," I begin my reply with a stern voice. "I'm warning you to leave him alone. You've hurt him deeply with your lifestyle and callousness by tossing his heart aside when he told you of his feelings towards you. Then, after you reject him, you confused him further by choosing a lover who looks just like him. Wufei's right, you are the most insensitive prick I've ever met. Leave him alone," I order him firmly. "He has a right to seek out happiness that he never found trying to be your best friend. You have no right to search for him and invade whatever happiness he can find."

Heero looks like he's about to burst a major artery from the anger that is building up in him. I can see he's having trouble dealing with me telling him what to do and that he is in the wrong. Those are two things the perfect soldier has rarely tolerated from anyone, and only during the war when orders or corrections came from Doctor J.

Seeing the veins sticking out of his neck as Heero fights internally for a response, I take momentary pity on him and, calming slightly, I realize he is really a troubled young man whose search for peace and to find himself has taken him down the wrong road. We all know Heero won't find true happiness in his chosen lifestyle, and until he hits rock bottom and wants to change, there isn't much we can do to help. I know he isn't there yet, but he still deserves some compassion, so I soften my attitude and voice as I speak to him again. "Just let him go, Heero. In the long run it might save the both of you from a lot more misery."

Those simple words spoken softly seemed to diffuse the maelstrom of pent up emotions within the Japanese man. He visibly relaxes, just slightly, and his shoulders slump dejectedly. "I don't know if I can, Trowa. I miss him," he says looking away from the screen as if he is embarrassed to make the confession.

"I know," I reply sadly, seeing no way for things to get better for the two feuding friends. "But Duo left because he just couldn't take it anymore. He was watching you self destruct in a different way than when you tried it in Wing. I know you don't want to hear this Heero, but you're on a course leading to endless dissatisfaction and unhappiness. Only you can change the direction of your life." Seeing Heero frown at what he considers criticism, something else the perfect soldier could never tolerate, I realize I need to speak quickly before he hangs up on me. "Duo couldn't stand by any longer and watch you live the way you do. Quatre, Wufei and I also cannot bear to witness you degrading yourself. But know this, my friend, when you're ready to make a change and live sensibly, we'll be here for you to support you in any way we can."

"I never thought someone involved with two lovers at the same time would look down on me and the way I live," Heero retorts angrily.

"I love those that I'm with and am exclusive to them, Heero, that's the difference between you and I. I can count the number of lovers I've had on one hand, and so can those that I'm with. Can you see the difference now?"

I watch as Heero leans forward to push a button and the screen goes blank. I have no doubt that the conversation I'd just had with Heero will be my last for a very long time. He certainly didn't like what I said, but I felt it important to plant a seed of doubt into his mind, that the way he lives is not acceptable nor healthy. I can only hope that after he works through all the anger my words caused him, he might also remember the hand of hope and friendship that I'd also offered. We would take him in if he decided to give up his irresponsible ways and, if he comes to us, he will be welcomed and aided in anyway that's possible.

A knock on my office door is yet another interruption in my long morning. "Come in," I snap, feeling irritated as I look back at the long neglected papers in front of me.

"Trowa, am I bothering you?" Duo's hesitant voice calls out to me from the doorway. I look up at him and wave him in, pushing the piles of papers away from me.

He shuts the door behind him as he enters the room and comes to my desk. "Wufei and Quatre are out for the morning and I was wondering if you would like to go to lunch with me?" he asks as he sits on the edge of my desk. I take a moment to study him and compare the difference in him from his arrival a month ago. He looks rested, and the smile on his face is a true Duo smile, not one of his feigned or forced ones. He's wearing his dark blue suit, minus the jacket at the moment, a cerulean blue dress shirt and a coordinating tie. He looks great, and it appears his job under Quatre in Customer Relations is perfectly fitted to him. 

"I can take a short break," I tell him. "Maybe just the cafeteria though, as I've been interrupted all morning by the damn phone and I need to go over these reports." I point to the five folders that sit on the top of my desk.

"That would be alright," he answers with a grin, always agreeable when it comes to food.

I look at him a moment and decide I need to tell him of Heero's call. "Duo, I have something to tell you."

He looks at me, decides by the tone of my voice that it's serious, and frowns. "Something bad?" he asks, looking worried.

"No, not bad," I assure him. "Come here." I scoot my chair back and pat my lap. 

He looks nervously at the door and then back to me. "What if someone should come in?" he whispers in reply, as if he is afraid someone might be listening in on our conversation.

I open my desk drawer, take out a remote and aim it at the doorknob. A delicate click sounds, indicating the door has locked. I smirk at him as I put the remote back. "That comes in handy when Quatre comes in here upset or feeling amorous."

"Oh," Duo says and blushes at my explanation. A blush is very becoming on him.

"Come on," I pat my lap again. He hesitates for just a moment before he slips off the corner of the desk and sits himself down on my lap with his legs to the side of my right thigh so we can look into each other's face. He places his right arm over my shoulder and patiently waits for me to tell him what I feel he needs to hear.

"Heero just called looking for you," I tell him and watch as his eyebrows pinch together in worry.

"You didn't tell him I was here, did you?" he asks frowning.

"No," I reply, then I go on to detail the conversation as well as I can remember it. I put my arm around Duo's waist and press him closer to my shoulder, trying to give him some comfort.

"Why would he care where I've gone? He really hasn't cared much about me for the last couple of years," the long haired man mutters sadly. 

"I think just knowing you were nearby gave Heero some comfort, just like having Wufei in the same building did for you while you worked for the Preventers. You told me once that you hadn't realize how much you missed Wufei being in your life until he was gone. I think Heero is going through Duo withdrawals. He said he misses you."

"Of course he does," Duo snaps angrily and tries to get up, but my arms hold him fast to me. "I was the only normal social life he had. We played basketball, pool, bowled, and went to dinner or the movies, that is, we did unless he had someone new he was chasing to screw, then he forgot about me completely. More times than not he didn't even return my messages. Funny, isn't it?" he snorts in disgust. "The line between love and hate is so close, just a hair's breadth away from each other. Right now, and for the last few months, I think I've finally come to hate him."

I try to think of what I can say, something to help my friend release the negative feelings that, though they are justified, will lead him to feel pessimistic about life in general. The three of us have worked hard in the last month to give Duo a new life. So far he's accepted the job, his place in our home, and the three of us as his affectionate friends. We know from our past together, and Quatre had sensed it's still there, that Duo has an innate need to be touched, hugged and held. Since his arrival, that's all he's really needed from us, our affection, and we are more than willing to give those simple gifts to him.

"Duo," I begin again, my voice modulating lower to have a calming effect on him. "We have to remember that Heero is searching for the same peace we've all been desperate for at times. He's found a temporary solution in having sex frequently with strangers. I can't say I understand it, but I have sympathy for him. Sex in itself is not as fulfilling as it can be when it's with shared with a person you love. It's the great unifier of souls, Duo. Heero's not looking for love right now, his choices are all about control. He's making decisions for himself and, even though they can be detrimental to him in the long run, he's determined to stick with it. For the moment it's enough for him. But it won't be for long. It's an empty, shallow lifestyle he's fallen into. We've all decided not to watch him on his path of self destruction, but that doesn't mean we should abandon or hate him. Yes, he hurt you," I rush to say in seeing Duo about to voice a complaint. "But he is our teammate. We are distanced from him right now but still connected to him. The day will come when he will hit rock bottom and he will need all the friends he can get to help him back to a more stable lifestyle."

"Do you think that's really possible, Trowa?" Duo asks, sounding somewhat skeptical now that he has calmed down a bit. 

"I've come to believe anything is possible, Duo," I reply, then loosen my hold on him in order to look at his face. I put my hand under his chin and turn it until his eyes meet mine. "Having love in your life makes you believe that there can be a happy ending to everything, if you really want it and are willing to work for it."

"A happy ending," he sighs and closes his eyes. "I hope that's possible for Heero, before he kills himself."

Looking so vulnerable and beautiful as always, I can't resist leaning forward and brushing my lips against his. He doesn't pull back, but instead shifts so he can put his arms around me and continue the kiss. He pulls back before our tongues become involved, but I can see by his gentle smile that he has enjoyed the shared contact as much as I have.

"How about lunch?" he asks, and stands up from off my lap. Turning, he offers me a warm smile and his hand.

"Lunch it is," I smile back and take the proffered hand and rise from chair. With our hands firmly clasped together, we walk to the door to unlock it and go in search of lunch.

***********

Alex 

Heero's getting tired of me. I can see it in the way he looks at me the minute he walks into the door from work every night. I've been aware of his dissatisfaction with me since Christmas when we got kicked out of the Winner mansion. Oh, he was cool as a cucumber as we left, keeping his head high and proud as the door firmly shut behind us, but I was bluntly told, as we hastily packed our bags in the upstairs bedroom, that he was extremely upset at our being careless enough to be discovered and humiliated in front of his friends. Just the memory of the expression on that rich, la-di-da Winner's face of righteous indignation makes me want to slap someone. Who the hell was he to talk about decency and morals, having two lovers living with him? Sure, we never saw any overt signs of affection between them in the presence of his sisters and their children, but still, who are they to condemn us for having a little fun in a room we thought was not going to be disturbed. Heero was cold and distant to me from the moment we entered the cab on our way to the shuttle, not letting me sit too close or to touch him, and that attitude persisted for three long days, the longest either of us had gone without having some form of sex during the time we'd been together. I couldn't decide if he was trying to punish me or himself for getting caught and kicked out on Christmas Day. But he's so predictable, and in some respects, I guess I am, too. Neither of us can go very long before our addiction draws us back together again.

He asked me several weeks after he found out his friend left if I thought we were addicted to sex. I answered him with an emphatic, "Hell yes," freely admitting to the one thing that has placed me where I am today, that being a kept man. I had my first sexual experience at fifteen and hardly a day goes by that I don't indulge in some form of sexual gratification. Some people call it sick, that it's depraved and dangerous, but man, what a way to go! And though I accept my addiction and embrace it, I can tell it bothers my stoic lover that I said he was as affected, addicted to it as I am.

With each passing week I began to see it in his eyes and in his reactions to me that he's become more disenchanted with our relationship and with me in particular. I've been getting comments from him about the way I walk and the limpness of my wrists, how I use my hands too much and that I talk like a sissy. Well excuse me, but I am one. I know my time at his luxurious pad was just about up, but I'll be damned if I'm going to give up without a fight. Which is why I've arranged what I call a wickedly wild weekend for my lover. I'll show him that he hasn't seen all that I am capable of, or what I really like to do on a long weekend.

I turn to my two guests, Linnette and Davy, a strikingly handsome couple I've known for years. They are both tall, slender and dressed to kill. Their slinky satin outfits look like pajamas, Linette's are a champagne color and Davy's a deep blue, and I can tell that neither of them are wearing anything underneath the cool, flowing fabric. Of course they wouldn't, not tonight when they know why I've invited them here for the weekend and the glow on their faces and look in their eyes tell me they are more then ready to begin. I light the last ten candles and turn around to survey my creation. The room is swathed in candle light, the stage is set and all that we are missing is my disillusioned partner. He will bow down and worship my feet after this weekend, and my place here in this apartment will be set.

*********

TBC


	4. part 4

Shifting Perspectives

By: Dyna Dee

Part 4

Warnings: Yaoi, language, lime

Heero

No matter what kind of a night I've had, I always wake up every morning at five thirty a.m. And it's not any different this morning, though my body is sluggish and feels like a used rag, which in my mind, it is, an old, dirty, used up and disgusting rag. I guess I finally fell asleep sometime in the early morning on a blanket on the floor, and as my eyes adjust to the dim light of pre-dawn filtering through the uncurtained window, I look into the face of the person lying next to me. I never caught her name, but her long, smooth leg is thrown over mine in an intimate manner, and I know that, like me, she is completely naked except for the portion of the blanket she managed to pull from me. 

With shaky arms and legs I manage to dislodge her from off of me and stand, my legs feeling unsteady. Facing the direction of the bathroom, I stumble towards the open door, stepping over several other nude bodies and only vaguely remembering their faces. Once I reach the bathroom, I turn within the doorframe to look towards the bed and its occupants. In the middle of the bed I see Alex. He has a male and a female in bed with him, curled up against his sides. I note as I turn away in disgust that even in his sleep he has a satisfied smile on his face.

Shutting the door silently, I flick on the light and move to the sink. Turning on the hot water tap, I put both hands on either side of the basin as I wait for the hot water to flow out. I then make the mistake of raising my head and looking at my reflection in the mirror. What looks back at me is someone I barely recognize and truly despise. My eyes are dark circled and dead looking, my hair had been combed through by the fingers of complete strangers who were giving or taking sex from me. I look at my bruised lips and neck that is liberally marked with the suction of hungry lips, as is my chest. Bile rises up my esophagus and I turn and fall to my knees, successfully emptying the meager contents of my stomach into the toilet.

After a good run at trying to hack up my stomach, I stand on unsteady legs once again and rinse my mouth out, then reach for my toothbrush inside the medicine cabinet. With disgust I note it's wet and well used. I guess Alex's guests really know how to make themselves at home. I use my finger and toothpaste to clean out the vile taste out of my mouth.

I really do know better, as least I used to, but I can't seem to help myself as I look back into the mirror again. Was this what I have been reduced to? The whole weekend now comes back to me like a bad anchovy pizza. Where is the once perfect, disciplined and dedicated Soldier, as Duo used to call me? Where is the young man with principles worth dying for? Is the man once hailed to be the Man of the Century by powerful and influential people and the media, the one credited to have saved the Earth from being obliterated now only the man whore that Duo named me?

With my knees faltering again, I sink to the floor, my bare bottom coming in contact with the plush carpet that feels wet and sticky, and it's then that I realize someone has probably had sex on it. With no small amount of revulsion, I scoot back until my back is to the wall. "Why do I do these things to myself?" my conscience asks. I came home on Friday night from work with the clear intention of telling Alex that it was over between us. I'm sick and tired of him and want him out of my apartment. Oh, I probably wouldn't have put it that bluntly, but that's pretty much sums up the way I'm feeling after months of disenchantment with my bed partner. The only thing Alex is truly around for is the sex, and that has become less important over time, for me to have it with him.

However, as well intentioned as I was standing outside my apartment door, when I walked into the apartment I was surprised to find the room lit entirely by candles. Alex greeted me wearing only a champagne colored satin robe and a thong. Behind him were two very attractive people also dressed in silk and satin and a look of agreeing lust on their faces. Alex approached me, hips swaying and a wicked gleam in his eye as he announced that he had arranged a special weekend just for me. He whispered into my ear that the other two had been college acquaintances, and that they were there to play for the weekend. 

"I've planned a wickedly wild weekend for you, lover," Alex had breathed into my ear, then teased it thoroughly with his talented tongue. "And this is just the beginning." Here," Alex moved away for only a moment to grab a full glass of wine. "Drink this Heero, it's laced with Enhancement."

I raised a skeptical eye at the red liquid. Enhancement was a drug used in some of the raunchier clubs. It performed exactly as its name suggested, it enhanced all your senses, making any touch or sensation to the skin heightened and increased sexual prowess. I looked over at the couple, raising their nearly finished glasses to me, lust burning in their eyes, and the man I hadn't been introduced to yet was already beginning to touch the woman in a suggestively intimate manner.

I couldn't resist the temptation before me, especially when Alex moved behind me and began to loosen my tie and unbutton my work shirt. "Why don't we watch while Linnette and Davy get things going?" he said seductively, and gave the other couple a nod of his head.

I found I was only capable of nodding in response to Alex's suggestion as I watched the couple put their goblets down and come together with what looked to be a magnetic force, mouths and hands aggressively seeking more contact. It wasn't long before I was completely undressed and the weekend began. It seems a blur now, but I remember that another couple arrived every four hours after that to join in with us, all of them seeming to have no inhibitions about giving their bodies to strangers and taking whatever they could get in return. The apartment now has at least twenty people in it that have shared their bodies with almost everyone in the room.

My stomach is lurching again, but this time I refuse to give into it as I feel anger rising within me. How cheap I've sold myself, I thought. I used to be someone my friends looked up to, someone the world and colonies looked to as a hero, someone Relena had considered worthy to be of interest, someone who had their soul mate offer his heart, and I threw it all away for cheap and tawdry sex.

I crawl my way to the bathtub and turn on the shower. I guess I am what Duo named me, had said everyone else had named me, a man whore. "Can I get any lower?" I question myself. Suddenly, I feel as if a layer of filth covers my entire body. I crawl over the side of the bathtub and into the shower spray as I sit on the floor, letting the extremely warm water fall down on me. Reaching for the soap, I begin to rub it furiously into my skin. A rough loufah sponge that Alex insists on having is used to try to scrape the taint off of me, brought on by the many hands and sweaty bodies that had touched me. I leave long red scratches on my body as I scrub to erase the memories that are now haunting me. I shampoo my hair next, then let the water rinse all the soap and filth along with a pink tint of blood down the drain.

Then I just sit there, under the cooling spray of water, physically clean but still feeling filthy. I honestly loath myself and what I've become. Somewhere the feeling I'd once gotten from the hunt for a sexual encounter had seemed worth it at one time, but now I feel only abhorrence at my lack of control. If any one had tried to tell me during my years fighting in the wars that I would be brought down to the level of having sex like an unpaid prostitute, I would have beaten them to a pulp. No wonder my friends have stayed away and left me with the lowest of the low. I've lost them, lost Duo. Raising my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around them, I hang my head, resting my forehead against my wet knees. My thoughts were dark and my mind is in a self-castigating mood, and I finally give into the need for tears, silent, bitter tears. I alone have done this to myself. I can't blame anyone, not the war, nor my desire to not stain Duo with my unworthiness, and not even my training. I made the conscious decisions to have sex with people of whom I couldn't even recall their faces or names.

With my body racked with silent sobs of sorrow for all I'd lost and with self pity for myself at my fallen, debauched condition, I start at an abrupt sound. A continuous knocking on the bathroom door brings me out of the darkness I'd fallen into. The shower water is no longer hot, but tepid and I lost track of time and wonder how long I've been in here?

"There are some of us out here who would like to use the shower before we leave," a woman's voice calls through the door. I shut off the water and reach for the towel on the towel rack.

Drying myself off, I come to the decision that this has got to end. I hear a murmur of voices, then Alex speaks through the door. "Heero, is that you in there? Open the door. Are you alright?"

I glare at that door knob. Alex was the one that set me up for this hedonistic weekend, and he will be the first thing I'll get rid of as I start to put my life in order.

"I want them all gone by the time I come out here," I growl back, giving Alex my most threatening tone of voice. "Five minutes," I warn.

"Don't be ridiculous Heero. They want to take a shower and freshen up. Is this the kind of thanks you give your guests?"

"They're your guests, Alex. I used up all the hot water and if they're not out of here in five minutes there will be hell to pay."

"What's the matter with you?" Alex asks, definitely exasperated.

"Now!" I shouted angrily, and instantly there's the sound of obvious movement on the other side of the door.

In what I judge to be five minutes, I open the door and walk out wearing a towel around my waist. I snort in disgust at seeing Alex lip locked with some black guy named Kyle who had his hands all over the Alex's slender body.

"Out!" I demanded in a killer's tone of voice. Both men jump back from each other and the so called visitor slinks out the door, leaving Alex to face me alone.

Wearing only his wrinkled satin robe, Alex sways his hips as he walks towards me his most enticing manner, hoping to cool my temper down before I burst. "What's the matter Heero? Don't tell me you didn't like your gift weekend, because I saw with my own eyes that you did."

I slap away the hands that come to rest on my upper arms. "Don't touch me," I snap. "I want you out of here as soon as you can pack your clothes."

The other man's brown eyes widen in shock, then narrow in anger. "So, Alex gives you the weekend of your dreams and you're going to toss me out on the streets. You really are selfish, self-centered, and hateful bastard," he shouts angrily and stomps his foot childishly as his face turns red.

Forcing myself to remain calm and in control, I turn a cold shoulder to him, my hands clenched into fists. "The weekend was your dream, Alex. You just wrapped it up in a pretty bow and presented it to me as a gift," I snarl, disgusted with the both of us. "It was like offering an alcoholic his own winery. You knew I wasn't capable of saying no, didn't you? But if anything positive can be pulled out of it, it's that I've finally had it." I turned to him to level him with a glare. "I feel filthy and used and I don't like it. I'm sick of you and sick to death of me. I want you to pack your things and get out of my apartment right now!"

Alex glares back into my hostile, smoldering eyes. "Do you have any idea how much I hate you right now, you asshole?" he asks me with a sissy snarl, and I can almost swear I see steam coming out of his nose.

"Probably as much as I've hated you for the last five months," I answer in a cold voice, then turn to go to the dresser and pull out some clean underwear.

Alex looks affronted, then turns to flounce his way to the closet and removes his suitcase. Opening it on the bed, he then begins to stuff it with his clothing from the closet and several dresser drawers. "You'll be sorry Heero," the tall blond huffs. "No one treats Alex like this, nobody!"

"It's not like you don't have anywhere to go," I pause in the middle of dressing to look at my former lover. "I know about you and your little afternoon pick-me-up. You can go shack up with Kyle."

The color treated, brown haired head shoots up, and Alex's eyes display guilt mixed with a little fear. He knows how strong I am and what I'm capable of, and I can see he is deciding not to pick a fight with me because we both know he will undoubtedly lose.

Ten minutes later the front door slams shut. It's now seven a.m. and if I hurry, I can be at the office on time. Feeling stiff and sore from my lamented weekend, I finish putting on my tie, socks and shoes then spend a few moments straightening up the bedroom and leave the otherwise messy apartment for a thorough cleaning when I get home from work.

Entering the high-rise Preventer's building, I'm grateful for the dress code requiring a uniform and a tie. With my collar fitted against my neck, many of the bruises are out of eyesight. I proceed to my office, take off my coat and sit behind the desk. Work will help to distract me from my present state of self loathing and from the random flashbacks of the repugnant weekend and some of the things I'd done that were now coming back to haunt me. 

"Damn," I whisper as a wave of disgust aimed at myself flows through me and I lower my head into my hands. What I really want to do was to just curl up and disappear. I'm probably not worthy in my present, filthy state to even be a Preventer, a person charged with upholding the standards of peace between earth and the colonies. Peace, what the hell do I know about peace? It seems to be a life long, elusive goal, an ideal to strive for that has somehow always eluded me. And right now peace is so far from my dark thoughts that I'm sure it's going to be impossible for me to ever truly know what it is.

Duo, I think of him, conjuring his visage in my mind, a jaunty smile on his face that fills me wistful longing. At times like these I would have called him up and he would have come to me, dropping everything to reassure me; but he's gone. I immediately clamp down on the emotions that my friend's absence brings to me. I guess I'm just now realizing how much the former God of Death had been my peace. He taught so much about how to live, encouraged me to relax, to let down the barriers of emotion that had been trained into me from my childhood. He taught me to care for a friend, even though I guess I didn't outwardly show him how much I'd come to care for him. And he taught me how to play and to have fun just because it felt good. By the colonies I missed him.

"Heero?" Une's voice calls out from the direction of the door to my office, and I jerk with a start, lifting my head from my hands to see her looking at me in concern from my office doorway. I didn't even hear her approach.

*********

Une

The minute I look at Heero sitting in his office I can tell things aren't right. His face is buried in his hands and his whole posture speaks of exhaustion, which for him is very unusual. When I call his name, he starts with a slight jerk of his body, and he looks up at me with troubled, dark circled eyes that are evidence of a lack of sleep. Now I'm very concerned as I know he can usually go a couple of days with minimal rest and still look and function well. "Are you okay, you look terrible?" I ask him.

He gives me a non-answering shrug of his shoulders, something that reminds me more of Duo's mannerisms than Heero. "I must be coming down with something," he tells me in a dull voice. His eyes stray to what I have in my arms and he can see I have a number of files in them. From his raised right eyebrow, I can see he suspects one, if not all, are meant for him.

"Maybe you should go home," I suggest, holding tightly to the folders as I pull them up against my chest.

"I might after I get through some of this," he answers with weariness and motions to several folders on his desk.

My eyes narrow in suspicion. "Is everything alright at home Heero?" He knows I'm asking about his relationship with his..., what do I call him, his roommate? Lover? Oh yes, his name is Alex. It has been five months since Duo left and with each passing week it's become minutely apparent that Heero misses his friend more than he had thought possible. He's become more distant from his fellow co-workers and is communicating less with those he knows. He's retreating back into the anti-social person he was in the war, before Duo became his friend. 

As far as I know, from a brief communication from Quatre, he's had no contact with the others, the exception being one call to Trowa while looking for Duo's whereabouts, and that, I was told, had ended badly. At the moment, Heero looks like he has never felt so alone in all his life. He has the look of an abandoned child.

"I ended things with Alex this morning. It was a rough weekend," he confesses, his eyes avoid looking directly at me. 

I know it must have been a bad parting because normally Heero would never tell me anything personal or just how truly bad it was. Maybe, just maybe, events are transpiring that will lead Heero to get some help. From office hearsay, I gather that his lifestyle has toned down a bit since he's had a lover stashed in his apartment. But the things I'd heard about this Alex person has left something to be desired.

"Maybe you should go see Sally," I suggest as the concerned head of the Preventers.

"If I don't feel better, I will." His answer is clipped, letting me know he doesn't want to be pushed.

"Heero..." My voice is filled with concern as it softens, as does my face, but I'm halted by Heero's glare before I can voice my thoughts.

"Alright," I concede. "I'm not going to nag like a mother, but I'm worried about you. If you need help, you know you can come to me, don't you? I don't want to lose my best agent because he was too stubborn to reach out for help when he needed it."

"I don't need help," he insists.

"Well, just know that it's here," I reply. Taking the few steps forward, I place the top file folder on his desk. "Look this over when you have some spare time and give me a brief report on it," I instruct him, leaving just one of the six folders I had intended on handing over to him in the first place. Heero nods as he draws it towards him and flips it open to glance at the contents.

"Go home, Heero. Get some rest," I order in a firmer tone, then turn and leave his office, wishing I could do more to help him.

*********

Duo

A sound penetrates the wall of deep sleep that I'm enjoying, causing me to wake up with a silent start, my eyes open and my mind tries to recall where I am. That right, I'm in the rec room; it's movie night. The four of us had been dressed in our pajamas and retreated to the rec room after the kitchen staff fixed us up with popcorn, a variety of chips and soda before they'd left for the evening. I'd settled myself down on the plush carpet with a pillow under my head, finding it an irresistible spot in which to watch the long movie Quatre had brought home for us to watch together. 

I realize now that I must have dozed off as my sleep-filled eyes begin to focus on the dim light that's coming from the television and barely lights the room. I look up to see that there's a completely different movie on the screen than when I'd dozed off. I guess I've been sleeping for quite a while or the others just changed to a movie that was more to their liking. The sound on the television has been turned down very low, almost mute, but I suddenly realize that isn't what woke me up as I hear the sound again that did. I recognize it as a moan of passion coming from behind me.

Great, I think to myself. My three friends are probably making out on the couch while I'm sleeping like a baby next to them. But then I realize that the throaty sound seems much closer than the couch. Curious, I slowly turn my head until my eyes come to rest on the most erotic sight I've ever laid eyes on. My three friends are on the carpet next to me in the process of making love with each other. Wufei is on the bottom, his back on the floor and his pajama top is unbuttoned, the front material is pushed aside to expose his caramel skin and well-toned chest. His pajama bottoms are missing, probably that small lump just off to the side of his head. Even in the dimly lit room, his beautiful, brown skin contrasts greatly with Quatre's alabaster body, that happens to be completely devoid of any clothing whatsoever and is presently moving in a slow forward and backward motion between Wufei's raised legs. Trowa's attire matches Wufei's, his pants are elsewhere than where they'd been earlier that evening and his pajama shirt is unbuttoned and open as the taller of the three presses his hips into Quatre's backside. It's obvious that Trowa is the one in control of the lovemaking that I have unwittingly become a voyeur to.

Love, I know that's exactly what I am looking at, and I can't suppress the surge of jealousy that shoots through me. The look of passion and soft adoration on the three men's faces clearly define that their relationship is more than just physical attraction or mere gratification. In the five months I've lived with them, I've seem ample evidence of their genuine love and affection for each other, the kind of unreciprocated feelings I'd felt for Heero from the moment I'd met him.

I know they really care about me, these three friends of mine, they've proved that over and over with one of them sleeping next to me nightly, holding me and chasing away all the loneliness and bad dreams that have haunted me from childhood. They have worked out a system of taking turns. My first night here was with Wufei and the next night it was Quatre, followed by Trowa. They have continued that pattern the whole time I've been here, even when I protest that I'm disrupting their love life. They managed to convince me that they aren't being deprived, and now I can't help but wonder now how many nights I've fallen asleep in the rec room and this is how they caught for lost time and I'd never awakened before to realize it?

My body instinctively reacts to the sight before me, and whose wouldn't? The three were going slow, taking their time and enjoying the moment. After all, what's the rush? They have each other day in and day out and not one of them wishing to be elsewhere. Together they have found their Nirvana, their peace and fulfillment. Oh, I could join them, they've offered enough times without being pushy about it, but it hasn't felt right. Sure, I love them, but only as dear, wonderful friends. I just feel it wouldn't be right to join in their lovemaking when I'm not in love with them the way I feel I should be. And I know I'm loath to admit it, but I'm afraid. Yes, the self-proclaimed God of Death is afraid that once I give into a physical relationship without love, that I'll risk becoming like Heero. If I start, will I be able to stop? Heero is the strongest, mentally trained person I've ever met, and if he can't stop himself, who can?

Quatre's leaning forward and Wufei strains upward to accept his eager lips with his own, and Quatre murmurs against those lips his love to his Asian lover. They are beautiful, all three of them, separately and together. Trowa's bending forward and is kissing the pale back along Quatre's spine, causing the smaller, fairer man to moan at the sensations caused by the act of taking and being taken.

Ashamed to find myself to be such a Peeping Tom, I can feel my cheeks flush with heat and my pajama bottoms are noticeably tighter as my body begins to react and ache at the sight before me. I should turn away, in respect for them, but somehow I can't help myself from staring, they're so beautiful. I turn slowly to my side, not wanting to alert them of my watching their lovemaking. Though in the back of my mind I have to chuckle with amusement. If they didn't want me to see them making love, they wouldn't have put themselves in the position of being caught. They are all very careful, all the time, about expressing their physical attraction to each other, fearful of being caught in displaying any form of affection between them when the household staff are about. Quatre fears gossip will hurt his family's business and his lovers, so their caution is necessary in a household of hired help that could be bought out for a sensational tabloid story.

Taking in a quick, startled breath, I realize that I've been discovered as I sense that someone is staring at me. Looking over, I see Wufei's deep onyx eyes on me, a slight smile growing on his face as those passion-filled orbs scan down my body to see the obvious bulge in my pajama bottoms. With a flick of his finger, he motions me to scoot closer to him.

Uncertain that I should comply, I become aware that the other two have also turned to look at me. They slow their pace, almost, but never quite stopping the slow and steady rhythm of their lovemaking. As uncomfortable as I feel, I scoot closer, unable to resist the lure of being so close to something so near perfection and so far from me.

"Kiss me," Wufei commands me in a deep, thick voice as I reposition myself next to him.

I must look like a timid virgin, which I am, as I glance with uncertainty into his face. "I don't know," I begin to say, but am stopped by his finger on my lips. 

"Just kiss me Duo. It'll be alright," he says gently, his face and eyes soft with passion.

I glance up at the other two, still moving above him and receive their nods of approval. I bashfully lean forward and kiss Wufei's mouth. It's certainly not the first kiss we've shared as I've been willing to let each of the three seemingly over-affectionate men hold, touch and kiss me often, but not in an overly sexual way or in a situation like this.

As our lips meet, we begin the kiss gently, lips grazing sweetly across each other's, his tongue, skirting between my lips, silently ask permission to enter. I'm so aroused by what I've seen and feel that I can't even think of refusing him.

"Beautiful," Quatre sighs above us.

As our lips stay locked together, I feel Wufei unbutton my pajama shirt and push the open front away from my chest. It's awkward for his hand to stroke me at the angle it's in, so he uses the back of his hand instead, which feels so smooth against my heated skin.

Then suddenly, his fingers are on the elastic waistband of my pajama bottoms, and from skilled practice, he is quickly inside them and his hand is wrapped in an exquisite manner around my painful erection.

"Oh God," I gasp at the pleasurable pain. I rarely let anyone touch me in this intimate way. Yeah, I've dated and have gone clubbing for years, but only occasionally did I find someone who turned me on enough to let him or her reach a hand into my pants and give me fulfillment. But this seems so incredibly different from those few, brief experiences. I am, at the moment, a part of their shared intimacy, the recipient of an extension of their love for each other. I'm not in love with them and am not going to give the only part of me that is considered virginal to them, but maybe this will be okay, a release at the hands of friends who wouldn't be, nor would make me feel, ashamed in the morning.

As good as these feelings are, not to mention that they are incredible and almost overwhelming, I force myself to keep my eyes open. I want to see what it's like for people who were in love to climax together. Is it truly different with someone you really loved, or have I been holding back from experiencing more by telling myself what I desperately wanted to believe? Have I been depriving myself of a chance for a fulfilling relationship that I might never have because my expectations are too high? Is waiting to have this intimate experience that my friends are experiencing until I find the person I truly love worth it?

Instinctively, I thrust my hips forward into Wufei's capable hand, my breathing is becoming erratic. I hear Quatre give a gentle cry and he stiffens over Wufei. The man whose hand is currently driving me to the edge arches up, finding his own completion. Trowa then gasps, and his hips still, pressing tightly against Quatre. I come last, overwhelmed by the sight next to me, and thrusting forward into Wufei's firm grip I reach the pinnacle of my climax.

When my breathing calms, as well as my beating heart, I open my eyes to see Quatre now laying on his side and cradled in Wufei's arms. A warm-brown arm is possessively wrapped around the blond's pale waist. Trowa is now spooned up on the other side of Wufei and has his long arm is draped around the both of them. I gaze contentedly into their faces to see all of them are wearing a peaceful, contented look, and all three have their eyes trained on me. Yet it's Quatre's gaze I hold as my friend's eyes are searching mine for something. Then, as if he's come to some conclusion, he gives me a gentle smile of sweet happiness. No words are needed as I smile back at him, at all of them, giving my silent gratitude to the three for being included in sharing their love for each other. 

I think I now have the answer to my questions. The waiting is worth it. I want to wait to take that last step with someone that I love, however long it takes. I sigh, contented with the lazy sleepiness that comes over me. I know what I've just done with my friends isn't something I want to do too often, or I might just convince myself I am falling in love with them. Still, I can't deny that it was enjoyable and an intimate moment that I will always remember and cherish, and maybe, just maybe, one that I might be willing to share with them again.

TBC


	5. part 5

Shifting Perspective

By: Dyna Dee

Part 5

Warnings and Disclaimers on first page of fic.

Wufei

I sit down hard into my executive chair behind my paper-filled desk, having just finished my walking rounds of the large building, checking out each of the cameras I've placed in stairwells and elevators. I take my job as Head of Security at Winner Corporation very seriously. I want to ensure the safety of my lovers at work and at home and I have Quatre's stamp of approval for all the security measures I've enacted, costly though they may be. I know some of the board members, mostly comprising his sisters and an uncle or two, have had some serious reservations about the amount of money I've been spending while updating their antiquated and very inadequate system. It might have been fine in the past, but Quatre is a very prominent person in the colonies and a known Gundam pilot. There are still a lot of people in the universe who hate us, and Quatre's very visible position in the company and in the colonies puts him more at risk than any one of us.

Opening up the folder that has samples and spec sheets for sound detectors, I am interrupted by a vid call. Switching on the I.D. bar, I look in disbelief to see it's Heero who is placing the call. I immediately hit the button and his face comes up on the screen.

"Wufei." He greets me instantly as he always has, in a monotone voice and his face void of all expression.

"Yuy," I reply in a like manner. "What's up?" I then take notice of what I had missed at first glance, Heero looks as if he's in some sort of distress, almost pained. Then I take in the visibly dark circles under his eyes and that his hair is longer and messier than usual. Frankly, he looks unkept and physically ill.

"I need to talk to Duo, Wufei. Do you know how I can reach him?" I'm seeing clearly now that things definitely aren't well with Heero as I observe how he is struggling to keep his straight face and his emotions in check. He closes his eyes tightly for a brief moment, as if centering himself, then opens them to look back into the screen bearing my image. "Please Wufei, I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important. I know I hurt him and sent him running away from me, but I really need to talk to him right now."

Alright, now I'm concerned, this isn't like the proud and stubborn Heero that I knew during the war or at the Preventers. Something is really wrong if the former Wing Zero pilot stoops to begging. "I can't give you that information until I clear it with Duo," I tell him, and to my utter astonishment, Heero's face buckles and he quickly buries his face in his hands.

"What is it Heero? What's the matter?" I ask, deeply concerned.

He shakes his head either indicating he can't answer or maybe he just doesn't want to. 

"Listen Heero," I try again, softly now. "I promise I'll talk to Duo as soon as I can get a hold of him, but in the mean time, you look like you need some help. You can trust me. We have enough history together that you know I'll do whatever I can to help you." I mean every word I say. Trowa talked to Quatre and I after Heero's phone call to him months ago, and we all decided that if Heero reached out to us for help, then we would do what we could for our wayward friend. This vid call looked to be what we had all hoped for, that Heero was reaching out. 

In the past, he always approached Duo first when he had a problem he didn't know how to solve himself, usually dealing with emotions or tasks he'd ever encountered before, and now it seemed he was evidently desperate enough to reach out urgently for his problem solver. I'll be damned if I don't reach back in lieu of Duo's absence.

"Oh shit, Wufei," Heero moans into his hands. "I'm trying but it's hard, so hard. I think I'm sick. I need Duo to tell me what to do." He didn't raise his head from his hands, but he did start rocking his upper body, moving it forward and back from his waist, distorting the focus on the vid's camera with his movement.

"What's hard, Heero?" I need to get some answers in order to help him.

"I kicked Alex out...two weeks ago. Couldn't stand it anymore. I don't want to go to the clubs, but I'm.... I'm..., Agh!" Heero evidently couldn't focus his thoughts enough to describe just exactly what he was feeling, but I could hear the desperation in his voice and putting two and two together I more or less guessed that Heero was extremely frustrated.

"Are you saying that you're trying to resist the clubs? That you're trying to get your life back to normal?" I ask, inwardly wishing it to be true.

This time Heero does look up into the screen and nods his head, his eyes look like they're burning with pain. "Is that what is causing you pain?" I ask, trying to understand his hurt, wondering if it was mental anguish.

"No, it's medical. I think I've got an infection. It hurts to urinate and my testicles ache. Oh shit, Wufei," he moaned pathetically. "I think being blown up with Wing didn't hurt this badly." Heero's eyes take on a pleading look as he continues. "What should I do? I don't know where to go or who to trust."

"If you're in that much pain you should go to a hospital," I tell him while searching for the phone number of a person I know who can help him.

"No, no hospital," Heero says through gritted teeth. We all formed a phobia during the war for hospitals as we figured that was the first place Oz would look for us if we were badly injured. Those old fears were taking much too long to over come.

"Alright," I sigh, wishing he wasn't so stubborn. "Here's what you need to do. I've got Sally's number and I'll give it to you. I want you to call her and tell her your problem."

"No," he replies adamantly, his eyes narrowing with resolve. "She'll tell Une."

"Heero," I say his name firmly. "You're hurting. Do you want to continue to be in pain?"

The Japanese man shook his head, eyes filling with moisture at the continued pain he was feeling. I sigh deeply, knowing there is only one solution. "I'll come," I tell him, and I'm instantly rewarded with a rare smile of gratitude.

"When?" Heero asks as he begins to rock his body again, and I realize he's trying to cope with a considerable amount of pain.

"Now," I answer. "I'll take Quatre's private shuttle and fly down myself. Expect me in six hours, alright?"

"Thank you, Wufei," Heero says sincerely in a strained voice.

"Can you wait six hours?" I ask, feeling concern for his condition.

"I'll wait here for you," he answers soberly, and I sense he's just given himself a mission to accomplish come hell or high water.

"Go to the hospital if the pain gets worse," I tell him in the tone of an order. Heero gives me a non-committal nod and then the view screen goes blank. I immediately place a conference call to my two lovers telling them of my imminent departure and the reason for it.

*********

Sally

I don't remember being more surprised than I am as I answer my cell phone and find its an unexpected phone call from Wufei at two in the afternoon. He's just arrived from L-4 and is still at the shuttle port. After a few very short pleasantries, he asks if I can do him an enormous favor. I laugh at him; like he needs to ask. But my laughter comes to an end when he stipulates that the favor he is about to ask me is to be completely off the Preventer's books. I can't help the frown that comes to my face. I'm not in the habit of breaking the rules since joining the Preventers, bending them is more my forte. I might have to bend backwards for Wufei though, I owe this young man so much.

"I guess that all depends on what you're going to ask me?" I answer, wishing he had a vid screen available so I can see his face, but he's calling from his cell phone.

"I would like you to meet me at someone's home and give him a quick look over. He's in pain and seems reluctant to come into work.

"Doesn't he have a regular physician?" I ask. "If he is in so much pain, he should go to the hospital."

"Sally," Wufei says my name with exasperation, I love that irritated look on

his face that I know he's presently wearing, and strive to see it as often as I can. "He is your patient, but I think he doesn't want it on his record.

"You're not penalized for being ill while working at the Preventers," I answer a bit defensively.

"Please," Wufei asks sincerely, and he knows that tactic has always softened my heart.

"It's Heero, isn't it?" I inquire, guessing that Wufei really wouldn't come into town unexpectedly or unannounced unless something was wrong with Heero, our last gundam pilot still working for the agency.

I hear him take a deep breath and guess that he's about to launch into some tirade. "I'll be there in twenty minutes," I tell him, successfully stopping him before he truly gets going. "I'll meet you in the first floor lobby of his building."

"You know where he lives?" Wufei sounds skeptical.

"Let's just say I've been keeping an eye out for Heero lately. He's missed quite a few work days lately, not that he doesn't have the sick or holiday time earned, but you have to agree it's highly unusual for Heero to miss work."

"You better bring supplies for taking blood and urine samples for lab work," he instructs me, and I begin to think he's warning me of what I might find at Heero's apartment.

"What's your ETA?" I ask looking at my watch.

"Two thirty, if the traffic cooperates," he replies quickly.

"It should, rush hour doesn't get underway until around four. I'll see you at two thirty in the lobby," I tell him, grabbing a few supplies, shoving them in my backpack and head for the door marked Infirmary. I figure that from the Preventer's building it will take me fifteen minutes to reach Yuy's apartment, five minutes before Wufei should arrive.

"Thank you Sally," Wufei replies more softly, his sincerity carrying through the phone lines.

"You're welcome," I answer with a smile on my face and in my voice. My cell phone goes dead, and I have to stop and marvel at the change in my former colleague. He had been so stiff, angry and reserved when I talked him into joining the Preventers, but he never gave me one moment of regret for that invitation as he had been one of the three best agents we've ever had. Then that fierceness, that strength that I so admired in him faltered, maybe because of his young age, or that he'd just had enough of death and responsibility, but it was clear to those of us who knew him that he began to suffer and was nearly broken by evidence of our finding him of the roof of the office building ready to blow his brains out. Thank God for Quatre and Trowa and that they were in the building. I can only assume by his brief notes to me and the conversation I've just had from him that they've been able to give Wufei the peace he desperately searched for and a job he enjoyed that didn't have to deal with death and destruction. 

Putting my cell phone in my pack, I rush down the stairs wondering what in the world could be wrong with Heero the Indestructible Yuy, as Duo used to call him. I rationalize that it has to be somewhat serious if it has brought Wufei all the way from L-4. I know I will be breaking some city speed limits in the next fifteen minutes in order to get the answer that much faster.

Breathless as I run into the building, I immediately see Wufei, dressed smartly in an expensive business suit minus the tie. A black shoulder bag is resting on the floor by his feet and he raises one of his finely shaped black eyebrows at me in a sardonic nature. I'm five minutes late.

"Sorry," I apologize breathlessly. "I got here on time but there's absolutely no where to park around here. I had to run four block to get her. No wonder Heero doesn't own a car."

Wufei looked at me questioningly. "You seem to know an awful lot about Heero," he comments as he extends his hand to me in greeting. I readily take it, giving him a firm welcoming handshake.

"I make it a point to know a few things about my patients, especially if Une brings them to my attention. I was actually going to call him this week for his annual physical."

"What does Une know about Heero?" He asks frowning as he takes my elbow and pulls/escorts me to the elevator.

We both step inside the waiting car and he pushes number seven, prompting the door to close. "She's been keeping an eye on him since Duo left," I answer him. "Evidently Duo spoke to her about some concerns he had for Heero's health and she asked me to keep track of his time off or if he looked overtired or ill."

On hearing my explanation, Wufei immediately hits the stop button and the elevator comes to an abrupt halt. "Sally," he turns and looks at me gravely. "I called you as a friend to see Heero, not an official from the Preventers. Heero needs help, not a whistle blower."

I look at him and wonder how I can find a compromise that will let me fall within the rules of my job and wanting to keep my friendship with Wufei. "I'm not sure I can separate the Preventer from the Doctor," I tell him, and immediately see that he doesn't like that answer. "If something is seriously wrong, Une will need to be appraised of it as the head of the Preventers and as someone who earnestly does not want anything to happen to Heero. We came too close to losing you permanently and she doesn't ever want that to happen to any of you pilots again. That's why she let Duo go so easily, without trying to talk him into staying. She said that Duo was desperately anxious to leave, to put Heero behind him once and for all. I understand he was very upset and quite agitated, so she let him go and has protected the information regarding his location." 

Wufei folds his arms over his chest and looks at me in a contemplating manner, he's clearly not mad, but he instead seems to be stewing over what he should do next. "Duo has spoken to the rest of us in regards to what he believes Heero's problem to be," he begins, his dark eyes boring into me with such intensity that I have to drop my own gaze from his face to be more comfortable. "It's an addiction Sally, and I think he's finally hit bottom. He doesn't want to live the way he had been any longer and he's reaching out for help. I don't want him to lose his job because he wants to make a change for the better."

At the word addiction I feel stunned. "But he cleared all the unannounced drug tests that are given to all the Preventer agents periodically."

"It's not drugs," he tells me.

"Alcohol?"

"No."

Wufei hits the button to resume our ascent to the seventh floor and waits in silence as if he is reluctant to enlighten me about what it is that Heero is addicted to. The elevator car stops and the doors pull open.

"Sex." He says the single word so quietly that I barely hear him, but just by the nature of the word, it seems anyone would had cued in on it, even after being spoken so quietly and hesitantly. I found nothing to say in reply until we approached apartment seven hundred and nine.

"You say he's ready for help?"

"That's what he told me this morning," Wufei answers.

"Then let's do our best to see that he gets it," I tell him, meaning it, though inwardly appalled at what I'd just learned. Taking a deep breath, I stand to the side as Wufei knocks on the door, mentally bolstering myself up for what I might encounter on the other side of the door.

Wufei has to knock several times before the door inches open. Pained blue eyes peek out, surveying us in the hallway. The door is then pulled open and I'm surprised to see Heero fling himself onto Wufei, his face buries itself against the slightly taller man's shoulder, muffling the almost incoherent words that come spilling from an obviously distressed-looking Heero. 

Wufei's eyes widened, and I figure he is as stunned as I am at Heero's greeting. He brings his arms up and embraces his former comrade's back and in a soothing voice assures Heero he's here and will stay until things settle down.

"Thank you, thank you, Wufei. So glad you're here. I don't know what to do. Please help me." I'm dumbfounded at the words that tumble quickly from Heero's lips. Things must really be bad for him to fall apart emotionally like this.

Wufei half carries Heero into his apartment and I follow, shutting the door behind us. Taking a look around the living room, I can see it's a little more cluttered than I expected, knowing from the records and Heero's office that he is a bit of a neat freak. There's a blanket on the couch, several glasses with what looks like water in them on the coffee table as well as several plates of food that appear to have hardly been touched.

Sitting Heero on the couch, Wufei settles next to him and I take the arm chair next to Heero's end of the couch. Heero turns his head and looks me in the eyes. "No report," he tells me firmly. "This is strictly off the record or you can leave now." After wrestling with my conscience for a moment I nod my head in agreement.

"Wufei tells me you don't feel well, Heero," I begin as I bend to unzip the backpack I'd set on the floor the moment I sat down. "Can you tell me your symptoms?"

I could see by the set of his face and the look in his eyes that telling me his problems is the last thing he wants to do, but there is also a definite look of pain around his eyes and his lips as he pinches them together.

Taking out my notepad, I jot down the symptoms he reluctantly relays to me: an excruciating burning sensation when he tries to urinate, his testicles are swollen and painful and he has a yellowish discharge.

I know the symptoms, but I have to ask the questions. "Have you had unprotected sex in the last month or two?" I ask, and then watch him close his eyes as he shamefully admits he has with a slight nod of his head. "Do you know the name of the person who infected you?" I ask and receive a non-committal shrug of his shoulders.

Reaching into my bag again, I bring out a plastic, lidded urine cup and hold it out towards him. "I need a urine sample to check my diagnosis," I tell him.

Heero's eyes widened. "You've got to be kidding!" His toe of voice is somewhere between disbelief and incredulous. "Do you know how painful it is to try and piss?"

"Nevertheless, I need a sample," I insist. With a slight tremble in his hand he takes the cup from my hand and rises slowly to his feet. He moves cautiously to the bedroom where he stays for a good twenty minutes. Wufei found the remote and we've turned on the state of the art television to wait.

When Heero finally comes out, his eyes are red and the cup has only a minute amount of yellow fluid in it. "That's all I could do," he tells me, his glare warning me not to ask him to do that again. I look at the small amount and hope it will be enough.

"So what is it?" Wufei asks me.

I look to Heero. "Are you sure you want Wufei here to hear my diagnosis?" I asked, knowing our next conversation was going to be very personal.

Heero's eyes turn to Wufei's face. "You know, don't you?" He asks the former Shenlong/Altron pilot. "Did Duo tell you his theory on what was wrong with me?"

Wufei nodded his head to both questions.

"Then go ahead." Heero turns back to me. " If I'm ever going to get my life back, I need my friends to help me."

"Sit down." I motion him to the couch and follow my own invitation by taking the arm chair again. When the other two look stiffly comfortable, I begin. "I believe you're showing the symptoms of gonorrhea, Heero. All you've described to me are classic symptoms. And most people with gonorrhea usually have chlamydia also, though symptoms of that disease are silent." 

The only reaction I see from him is a slight twitch at the side of his eyes and a tightening of his mouth. I continue, informing him of the treatment for his condition. "Penicillin is the drug of choice for both," I inform him. "I saw a drug store about a block and a half from here. I'll send Wufei to it for some. It will take about twenty-four hours for it to have any effect on your symptoms. I can also prescribe a sedative/pain pill to help you through those hours."

"Stupid, stupid, stupid," Heero mutters as he closes his eyes and shakes his head. "I stupidly did this to myself. I deserve this," he adds with undisguised self loathing.

"Wufei," I called out to the Chinese young man who was about to jump into the conversation. "Here's the prescription," I say as I take my prescription pad and begin to write the prescription for both medications. "Could you go and get this filled so we can get Heero feeling better?"

Whether he knows I'm trying to get rid of him or not, Wufei stands and obediently obeys my request. The moment the door shuts I look to Heero with all earnestness. "Alright Heero, tell me what's been happening with you, how did you get this disease? I know you're smart enough to use protection, so what happened?"

He looks uncomfortable with my penetrating gaze and direct questions. His eyes look away from me and fall to a spot on the floor. "I'm ashamed to tell you," he replies softly.

"Heero," I inch closer, "I'm a doctor and a Preventer, there is nothing you can say to me that will be shocking. I've heard it all and I promise not to judge you for whatever you have to tell me." I know it's important for Heero to trust someone, and as his doctor, I can only hope it will be me for the time being.

Pained eyes raise to mine again. "I came home a couple of weeks ago with the intent of telling my lover it was over between us. I was dependent on him even though I came to hate everything about him. He must have sensed what was coming because when I walked through the door that night he had quite a surprise for me." He lowers his eyes, obviously not wanting to see my reaction to what he was about to tell me. "There were two people here, complete strangers to me but Alex knew them very well. He said they were staying for the weekend to have fun with us. I knew instantly Alex meant sex because anything we ever did together was centered around it." He shakes his head and snorts in disgust. "He gave me a glass of wine laced with Enhancement and the weekend began with a bang, if you'll pardon the pun. He'd evidently invited other couples over at four hour intervals which continued until Sunday night." He stops there and buries his anguished face into his hands. "Shit Sally, I don't even know the people that came into my apartment that weekend, but I'm pretty sure I had sex with all of them."

"And where is Alex now?" I ask, knowing he will probably need to be treated too.

"I kicked him out on Monday morning. I woke up and realized how low I'd fallen and it made me sick. I make me sick, Sally." His voice is filled with anguish and he slowly looks up at me once again with a pleading look on his handsome face. "How could I let myself become so caught up in something and let all decency fall away from me? I think I'm addicted to sex Sally, and even after saying that, I just want to go out to some club and screw someone just to escape what I'm feeling at this moment." 

I reach out to him and put my hand over his. "Do you want to change Heero? If you truly want to, if you're ready, I have an acquaintance that deals with all forms of addiction."

Heero shakes his head. "Duo told me I was an addict, but I didn't believe him. Sex is normal, I told myself, I just had an avid interest in it once I discovered its pleasures. But somewhere down the line I began to need it more than anything else. More than friendships, more than Duo, and even more than my job, though I wouldn't let it interfere during my time in the office. I feel like I'm two people Sally, the Preventer by day and the sex-driven maniac at night. I don't think that I exist as a person in between those two extremes anymore." 

I lied, I was more or less shocked, not at the thought that someone could be addicted to sex, I've read enough medical journals referring to the problem, no, I was shocked that it was Heero Yuy who was addicted to such an intimate act and that he would trust strangers with his body. During the war he trusted no one but those he deemed to have earned it, namely the other pilots. I turned my attention back to Heero as he begins to speak again.

"I lost all of my friends because of the choices I've made. I embarrassed myself at Quatre's on Christmas Day and was asked to leave. Do you know how bad it must have been for Quatre to actually request I leave his home and not come back until I got a hold of myself?" He looks completely miserable with himself, but continues on. "Then I lost Duo. I pushed him too far by picking a lover that looked just like him, minus a few details, and flaunting that relationship in his face." He looks up at me again, appearing lost and full of anguish, a look I've never seen on his face before. "Did you know that at one time Duo loved me?" he asks.

"I kind of guessed he did from the way he would look at you, especially right after the war," I answer. "What happened Heero? Could you not love him back?" I'd always wondered why Duo had always looked crestfallen when Heero's back was turned. But to his face, the former Deathscythe pilot wore his happy grin, his mask.

He swallows, and swallows hard again as if the words that are about to come out of his mouth will be the most difficult he's ever uttered. When he finally speaks, it's so soft I can hardly hear him, and his beautiful, tortured blue eyes are filled with unshed tears. "But I did love him," he says in an agonized whisper. "Duo's the only person I've ever loved."

I blink in astonishment, unable to comprehend why two people in love couldn't have made a try for happiness together. Then the answer came to me. "You didn't tell him though, did you?"

He mournfully shakes his head. "I couldn't during the war. I'd self destructed once, and needed to be ready to do it again if the situation called for it. How could I love or be loved under those circumstances?" he explains.

"And after?" I ask, wanting to understand.

He runs his hands slowly through his hair. "I was too tainted with blood on my hands. Before Dr. J got a hold of me I was raised by an assassin. All I'd known in my early years was death and destruction. Even I could see that Duo needed peace, he needed someone unsullied by bloodied hands. I felt I was showing the greater love by telling him I wasn't physically attracted to him, and by then I'd learned of the joys of sexual interaction. I willingly let him go and knew I hurt him in the process, but I figured that in the long run he'd be happier. The emptiness and guilt I felt at distancing myself from him and hurting him was quickly filled by my new pastime. The hunt and conquest was as addictive as any drug, the sexual release was almost cathartic because it was by my choice. Sally, for the first time in my life I made choices for myself. I chose who to have sex with. I chose the when, where and how to do it. For a long time it was liberating and fulfilling, and that added bonus was that I was able to put my love and need for Duo away. I tried to forget I loved him and the words he spoke to me of loving me and wanting a future with me. I ignored the pain in his eyes for too long, then added insult to injury when I took Alex as a lover. I didn't consciously choose him because he looked like Duo, but after Wufei pointed it out, it was pretty clear that's what I had done, and it hurt Duo even more. Wufei told me I sent the message that I lusted after Duo's physical body but that I abhorred who he was. He couldn't have been more wrong, but I didn't do anything to change the situation or Duo's perception. Then he was gone." Heero's face is buried in his hands again and I can see his shoulders shake as he grieves his past actions.

I reached over and pat his back, seeing his wrenching heartache makes my nurturing instincts kick in, urging me to comfort and console him. "It's not too late Heero," I tell him in a gentle voice. "You're young, you have your whole life in front of you. It might not be too late to patch things up with Duo."

Heero shakes his head in misery. "If I felt tainted during and after the war, I'm filthy and used up now. I'm not good for anyone anymore. I've ruined everything."

I sit back and look pointedly at him. "I think this is a first," I tell him in a surprised voice. "Heero Yuy, the Perfect Soldier gives up. I never thought I'd see that day when you couldn't complete a mission."

"What mission?" he asks confused and angry at the tack I'd taken.

I narrow my eyes and give him a serious look. "The life mission of getting yourself together, making yourself worthy and then go searching for happiness, not the momentary physical satisfaction of an ejaculation, but true happiness. If Duo is what will bring you that happiness, then you make it a mission to get yourself respectable enough to present yourself before him, ask his forgiveness and see if things can be salvaged between you."

"I've got a sexually transmitted disease, Sally," he spits out angrily. "I've had sex with countless complete strangers. I'll never be worthy of Duo now. I'm not even fit to be in his company."

"Do you truly believe Duo can't forgive you?" I ask.

"After what I put him through, probably," he answers, looking grim.

"Well you'll never know unless you try," I tell him. "Look at it this way, the worst that could happen is that you can get back to a more normal lifestyle regarding sexual relations and most likely getting your friends back along with it. Wufei is here, that shows they care about you enough for him to drop whatever he was doing this morning and come all the way to Earth because you needed him. "

"And the best that could happen?" He asks dispassionately. 

"You'll find love again. Maybe with Duo, maybe not. But with therapy you can get better. I promise you that Heero. Addictions have their reasons, either mental or physical. Dr. Penrose is the best I know and I'm sure he can help you pinpoint why you act the way you do and give you some help to overcome the cravings you feel. Your addiction in not uncommon, in fact it has a medical name, Heero. It's called Satyriasis."

There's a look of hope in his eyes. "Do you really think I can change Sally? Can I learn to be like most people, decent people who have meaningful relationships?"

"Yes, I believe it's possible Heero" I give him a hopeful smile. But it won't happen unless you try."

"I want to," he replies immediately, the old spark of determination coming into his eyes. "I have little to lose at this point and so much to gain."

Sweeter words I've yet to hear. 

********

Quatre

Knocking on the door, I enter Duo's office at ten minutes till the time we usually call it a day. He's on the phone talking to a customer and smiles as he waves me in and continues the conversation to an end. I sit in the chair in front of his desk and wait. This is nice, I decide. Duo doesn't change the moment I come into a room like all the other employees in the Winner Corporation. He isn't stiff with anxiety, nor does he guard his words, choosing only those that would show him in a favorable light. I listen distractedly as he carries on, jokes with the person on the other end and gives them a cheery good bye before hanging up. Looking up at me, he beams me a happy smile. He is definitely well suited to customer relations.

"Hey Quatre, you're early," he says as he begins to clear off his desk. I can't help but cringe as I see everything on top of it being swept towards him with both of his arms and rudely dumped into the top desk drawer. He then shuts it and looks up to me with a satisfied smirk on his face; he knows how much that kind of mess bothers me, the tease. "I'm all ready to go," he announces cheerfully.

"Duo can we talk for just a moment, there's something that has come up and I need to tell you about it." I can't tell if he thinks it's good or bad news that's coming as he leans back into his leather chair, folds his arms over his chest, then puts both feet up on the mahogany desk

"Go for it," he replies, calmly waiting for me to begin.

"Wufei left the colony today to go to Earth," I inform him, wondering how to put into words what I need to say. The last thing I want is to cause any further hurt to my friend, and I don't know how he will take the news about Heero's call.

"Business?" he asks me, with a small look of worry on his face.

"Personal," I reply, then take hold of my courage and just say the words that need to be spoken. "Heero called him this morning." Duo looks for a minute like he's been sucker punched, so I quickly continued on. "Wufei called me early this morning to tell me he was leaving immediately. Heero had called him and Wufei found out that he was in some sort of pain. He asked for you, Duo. Wufei told me that Heero asked for your e-mail address. He evidently wants to speak with you. But don't worry," I rush to say, "he didn't give it to him but said he'd pass the message on and let you decide."

"Why would he want to speak to me after all this time has passed?" Duo replies, his tone of voice showing his anger. He quickly takes his feet down from his desk and jumps up to his feet and begins to pace. "It's been six months Quatre. I'm finally starting to feel better about myself and my life and he wants to talk to me and screw with my head some more? I don't think so."

I frown as my space heart is sensing more than what I'm seeing. I feel more than just anger from Duo at Heero's request, I can perceive the residual pain of his heartbreak. Somewhere in his bruised heart, Duo still loves Heero and can't reconcile that emotion with the hurt his best friend has caused him. 

"Duo," I begin again, speaking softly in an order to appeal to his stubborn side. "Heero kicked Alex out. From the conversation Wufei had with him, he's reaching out for help. That's why Wufei went. He's still our friend, even if we haven't stayed in touch and we haven't approved of his lifestyle. If he needs our help, don't you think we should offer it, just as we offered it to Wufei and yourself?"

That did it. I immediately see Duo's face soften. He closes his eyes and shakes his head. "Of course you should," he answers and calms enough to return to his chair.

"The first thing he asked Wufei when he called was for a way to contact you. You know he always went to you when he didn't know how to deal with something. If he is addicted, as you think he is, he won't know how to deal with it alone. He was looking for you to help and support him."

I watch as Duo leans forward and puts his elbows on the desk and buries his face in his hands. "I just don't know if I can do that Quatre. You can't know how much he hurt me."

My heart twists within me at the sight and feeling of Duo's mental anguish. "I don't know first hand Duo, but I can feel your pain and have since the day you arrived. I know how badly you feel, and I'm so sorry." 

Moisture filled eyes rise to meet my equally moist ones. "Please help him," he whispers to me, a filtered feeling of his love for Heero shoots through my chest, followed by overwhelming sorrow. "I'm not ready to see or listen to him yet, and I know I can't go through it again, watching him sleep around. I just can't do that anymore."

I stand and go to him and I tug on his arm until he stands up and lets me put my arms around him. "Wufei will stay there until Heero's on the right track. He'll help him all he can, but it's really up to Heero if he wants to overcome this. He's the strongest willed man I know, Duo. If he sets his mind to it, he'll do it."

"I hope so," Duo whispers as he holds me close for comfort.

I pull back slightly and look into those beautiful eyes of his, so filled with sadness. I had hoped never to see that look on his face again. "Don't feel guilty that you can't be there for him right now, Duo. You have to do what's right for you. Maybe further down the road of recovery you'll feel more secure, better prepared to talk to him again."

Duo nods his head and wipes hastily at his eyes to keep any moisture from leaking out. I find it's completely unfair that even when he's upset, he looks incredibly good, so I tell him so and am rewarded by a shaky smile and a brief, blushing thanks. Leaning forward, I kiss him. It's not our first kiss, we've actually shared quite a few over the last six months, but it is still as sweet as the first one. His lips are soft and pliant, his breath smells like his mouth tastes, of the cinnamon mints he's always munching on. My tongue pushes between his lips asking for him to open up to me. At one time he would have pulled back or hesitated at such a request, but now he quickly complies and leans into me as we take a moment to enjoy the small, warm pleasure that kissing brings. For us it's calming, a pleasant intimacy shared and a relief from the tension that filled the room moments before. We break the kiss slowly, almost reluctantly, and embrace once again.

"How about you, Trowa and I grab some hamburgers, french fries and milk shakes at Eddie's Diner before going home?" I ask as we pull apart, knowing it's his favorite meal and place to get it.

His smile is much brighter now. "You spoil me my friend," he teases with a grin growing on his lips.

Pushing some stray hairs back from his handsome face, I smile. "Damn right I do," I answer in a true Duo fashion, causing his smile to brighten even more.

"I'm having an impact on you, Quat. Wonder if Trowa and Wufei think it's for better or worse."

"I have no complaints from either," I laugh, and together we leave the office to go in search of Trowa to tell him our change of plans for dinner.

TBC 


	6. Part 6

Shifting Perspective

By: Dyna Dee 

PART 6

Warnings and Disclaimer on page one.

Heero's Psychiatrist 

The man I observe sitting in the chair before me is young, handsome and has more presence than most people I've met in my whole career. Years of careful observation of my patients, studying their mannerisms as to their true feelings, have made it easier for me to judge the emotional state of most of those that come to see me. I can clearly determine that Mr. Yuy's rubbing of his palms on his jeans and the shifting of his eyes that he's nervous, as are most of my patients on their first visit to my office. I decide to get the session moving along as I'm having dinner tonight with my associate and his wife. My wife told me in no uncertain terms that she'll hang me by my balls if I'm late yet again.

"Are you comfortable, Mr. Yuy?" I ask politely. Then suddenly I recognize him. This is the Heero Yuy, the boy who had saved the earth from falling space debris and then a year later stopped the Barton/Mariemaia Coup. Now I'm feeling a bit nervous.

"I'm fine," he answers, and I'm already under the impression that he likes to answer in short sentences. I mustn't make snap judgements like that before I've had a full hour with him. He must be backed by someone important as his companion, now sitting outside in the waiting room, assured me in our brief introduction that all of his friend's visits would be paid in cash for however long it will take to make Mr. Yuy feel whole again. I begin to suspect that he might have been one of the other gundam pilots. In our brief meeting, I couldn't help but notice that the young Chinese man had an air of importance and presence about him, similar to Mr. Yuy. The only difference being that Mr. Chang had an aura of confidence about him, and this young man before me looks to be lacking it. Well, let's see what we can do about that.

"I have the brief patient questionnaire that you filled out a few moments ago Mr. Yuy, but I think I would rather have you tell me why you've come to me in the first place and what you would like to see as a result of our time together." Straight to the point. I've found that's always the best way with my patients.

"I believe that I've got an addiction and I want to get rid of it," he answers in a slightly accented voice and I assume English is not his native language. I listen closely as he continued. "I've lost just about everyone I care for because of it, as well as my reputation, my friends, their respect and the only person I've ever loved. I want my life back and I want it to be a good life, not the life I've been living." I can see by the anguished look in his eyes that he has reached a very low point and is ready to seek help and direction to bring himself back on track. He is open and is admitting his problem; a good first step.

"Addiction, Mr. Yuy..."

"Could you call me Heero?" he interrupts. "I would really prefer it if you did."

"Of course, Heero," I smile and decide I like this young man. He is willing to speak up for himself and that's a good sign for overcoming his problem.

"As I was saying, " I continue. "Addiction is any form of self-destructive behavior that an individual is unable to stop. Would you say you fall into that category?"

Heero thinks for a moment, then nods.

"What is it that you are addicted to?"

I wait a moment, watching as Heero drops his eyes to the floor in what looks like shame as he confesses his dark secret. "I'm addicted to pursuing and having sex," he says quietly.

I nod my head. He isn't the first nor will he be the last person I've seen about this particular problem. Behavioral problems are difficult to overcome, and it's successful only if the person is committed to change.

"Then let me ask you several questions to determine if you truly are addicted to that behavior."

"You don't believe me?" he asks, looking up at me in surprise.

"I'm not saying that," I reply calmly. "I think it best if we're both sure we're on the right path before we begin the journey to you being well and whole."

He nods and I begin my questions. "Do you find it hard to form and retain close relationships?"

"I've lost all of my closest friends, including my best friend."

"And how did that happen?" I ask and turn on my tape recorder.

"I lost Duo because I pushed him away. I wasn't worthy of his love and I believed anyone other than myself would be better for him, so I lied and told him I couldn't love him like he loved me. Then I hurt him by choosing a lover that looked just like him." Remorse and sorry fills this young man's face. "I lost my other friends by humiliating myself in the house we were staying at for Christmas by being caught by the maid having sex with my lover on the pool table."

"Despite your being intimate with someone, do you feel lonely?" I ask, probing further.

His eyes start to water as he nods his head.

"Do you feel like you are living two lives, one at work, being a professional and proper, and the other part of you addicted and determined in fulfilling your urges?"

"Yes," he whispers in a choked voice.

"Do you feel guilty for your actions? Are you afraid that others, friends and associates, will look down on you for having this problem?"

This time he nods.

"How do you feel about your addiction and your life right now?" I study his body language as he answers. He folds his arms around his chest and bends over slightly. His voice when he speaks is filled with despair.

"I hate myself and my life. I want my old life back before I had sex for the first time. I want my friends back, and I want to turn back the hands of time so that when Duo says he loves me, I can tell him I've always loved him and that l'll never hurt him or let him go." He stops his rush of words and sighs almost forlornly. "But that's impossible, isn't it? I can never truly get back what I lost because I've changed. I'm too soiled for Duo or my former friends." 

"It's not too late, Heero." I speak to him earnestly, wanting him to have a flicker of hope, to not give up before going forward. I decide to change the subject just a little.

"Let me tell you about addiction. There are many reasons for addiction," I go on to explain to him. "Some have to do with the chemical make-up in our bodies, some are caused by emotional problems, and others can be caused by problems within our bodies. An ill-functioning pituitary gland might be responsible one person's addicting behavior and, on rare occasions, an irritation of the brain's cortex by a tumor or mass can be another. If you decided to continue on a road to recovery, we'll explore all these avenues to find the base cause of your behavior. If you don't mind telling me about yourself, we'll chart a history of your behavior that led to your addiction and I'll give you some guidelines to help you this week in resisting the urges you're going to feel."

"How far back do you want me to go?" he asks.

"Go back to the first meaningful event in your life that you can remember and we'll go from there."

Heero leans back into his chair and I give him an encouraging smile as he begins. His first sentence almost makes me slip out of my chair onto the floor, and further accounts of his life are no less shocking.

"I was raised on L-1 by a man named Odin Lowe, a professional assassin, and I was trained by him to kill, taking out my first mark at the age of eight." 

*********

Duo

It's been a month since Wufei's hasty departure. He's kept in daily contact with Quatre and Trowa and has even sent me occasional e-mails. I'm sure he's told the others much more of what is going on with Heero, but to me he briefly mentions in passing that my former friend has been making progress and has a good rapport with his therapist. He thinks by this brief account that he's protecting me, and maybe he is. 

The three of us are waiting anxiously for him in the terminal as he pilots the shuttle into port. There he is. He's all smiles, as are we, as he exits the ship and after a quick hug of welcome, we lead him to a nearby private waiting room. Once within it, the door shut behind us, we each take our turn again at welcoming him back home, but this time in a much more demonstrative manner as he is soundly kissed and hugged by all of us. He looks and smiles, obviously happy to be home. After he is completely welcomed, we finally leave the secluded room, all of us eager to be home. Wufei has several bags of luggage filled with clothing he purchased on Earth as he took so little with him when he left. With four of us picking up a piece of luggage, we make short work of carrying everything to the transport.

We enter the van-like vehicle and Quatre sits in the middle seat with me while Wufei and Trowa take the back with the very proper Claudette, our chauffeur, minds her own business after a friendly greeting to the long-missing member of the household. 

The car ride home begins with Wufei reporting to us on his visit and how he left Heero. "He's doing remarkably well," he begins, and Quatre and I shift positions in our seat to look back at him. "Well enough that I thought it was time to come home and see if the he can make it on his own. I really think he's ready," he tells us with no slight amount of satisfaction sparkling in his dark eyes. "He's staying away from bars and clubs and tore up the names and numbers of previous partners, not wanting to be tempted to associate with them any longer. He looks so much better. Sally cleared up his medical problem and Dr. Penrose is helping him by giving him tools to resist the urges that come with addiction." Wufei stops a moment, his gaze falling on me. "Heero has asked for permission to write each of you to apologize," he continues, his eyes not leaving mine. "This is really important to him, Duo. He feels great remorse, especially for the way he treated you. He wants to ask forgiveness from all of us, but he seems to need it from you even more."

"I don't know," I answer hesitantly, feeling torn. If I open that door again, would all the pain and confusion start all over again? My face must register my concern and worry as Quatre puts a sympathetic hand on my knee. But then again, I'm sitting next to Mr. I Feel Your Emotions who begins to talk to me in a gentle tone of voice.

"It's just a letter, Duo." Quatre shifts again and moves closer, then leans over and puts his arm around my shoulders. "He needs to ask forgiveness in order to heal himself. I know he hurt you, but is there any part of you that can really deny him that? What would your religion say about forgiving another?"

It had been so long since I was taught the principle of forgiveness by Father Maxwell that I had to struggle a moment to remember it. I find myself speaking out loud to my friends as my memories come back to me. "I remember back when I was young and very small and having been beaten up for the fourth time by a group of bullies in the school that I was forced to attend when I came to live at the orphanage. I came home one day with ripped clothing, a few bruises and a fat lip. I didn't cry though, I was too tough from the streets for that, but I hurt and was almost blind with anger and hate towards the boys who relentlessly and daily picked on me because I was small, had long hair and was an orphan. 

Sister Helen cleaned me up, brushed and re-braided my hair, and soothed me in my agitated state while the good Father spoke to me about forgiving those who had hurt me. 

'Why should I?' I asked him resentfully. 'Those boys hurt me and they weren't a bit sorry about it.' I couldn't figure out why I should forgive them. 

With unending patience on my behalf, Father told me that the Good Book said if someone should sin against me, that I was supposed to forgive him seventy times seven times. The boys who hurt me might not know of my forgiveness, but I would be more at peace if I did, I would be the better person for it. He then said something to the effect that if someone hit me on the cheek, I should offer the other cheek to him." I laughed at the memory of my reaction to that one, confusing my friends for a moment. "I remember looking at Father Maxwell and shouting, 'Hell no, I ain't gonna let those bullies punch me on purpose. Only a dumb, shit-brained idiot would do that.' Sister Helen tugged on my hair to let me know my language wasn't acceptable, but I saw she and the Father fighting their humored grins."

I refocus on my friends, who are listening closely to my thoughts and memories. Their soft smiles tell me they approve of the good Father's words. 

I sigh with a touch of melancholy as in my mind I can still almost hear the deep timbre of the Father's voice as he imparted his wisdom to me. A sadness suddenly fills me as the memory and Father Maxwell's words force me to reflect on all the mistakes I'd made since the Maxwell Orphanage. "It's too bad I couldn't understand what he meant back then about forgiveness." I tell the others. "I didn't really forgive those bullies, like he advised me. I got back at them in my usual, sneaky way about a week later by stealing dirty magazines and putting them in their desks during recess, then sent an anonymous note to the teacher about it. And then, a little over a year later I couldn't forgive the destruction of the orphanage and the loss of the lives of those I cared about. If I had, my life would have been so different."

"But then you wouldn't have met us." Trowa says softly, his hand reaching up to touch my shoulder, giving it a squeeze. "And just imagine how ordinary and mundane your life would be, not to mention boring. You probably wouldn't have your braid, you would have missed piloting Deathscythe and Deathscythe Hell, and you'd probably be working as a janitor in a school on L-2 with a wife and three kids by the age of twenty one." 

I can see the smile twitching at the corners of his mouth at the thought of me being just an average Joe on the street. I have to admit, it is hard to imagine and I smile at him in return. Then Trowa sobers a bit and continues. "I think you are who you were meant to be Duo, just like the rest of us. We all played a significant role in freeing the colonies and, though we've suffered for it and our lives have been more difficult because of it, I can't say I would change it for all world."

I watch as he takes his hand from my shoulder and moves it to his left and takes up Wufei's hand. With his other hand he reaches forward towards Quatre, who has turned in his seat, reaching his right hand towards the one extended to him. "I have the best reward for a hard life right here," Trowa adds with a warm, sincere smile. "And you're included in that Duo, I just don't happen to have a third hand."

We all chuckle, the more somber mood in the van has changed. I move, turning in my seat to climb over the back of it, grab the auburn haired man's head, and give a smiling Trowa a whopper of a kiss to show my appreciation and letting him know that I, too, wouldn't change a thing in my past if it meant my friends were not going a part of my life. 

********

Heero

Wiping my nervous hands on my thighs, I stare at the blank computer screen. I don't know how to start, but I know I have to.

  
  


Dear Duo, I type. But it seems too formal so I erase it.

Duo

No, too abrupt. Backspace.

Dearest Duo,

Too mushy and desperate. Delete.

  
  


How am I ever going to get this done when I've spent ten minutes on the opening salutation?

Suddenly a memory comes to me. Duo once told me if I didn't know how to do something that I should just jump into the middle of it. He called it his sink or swim theory.

My hands are once again poised above the keyboard and I type the first words of the letter that means my happiness or my total failure.

  
  


I'm sorry beyond my capability of putting it properly into words for all that I've done to hurt you. Can you ever find it in your heart to forgive me?

  
  


There, that's getting straight to the point, plus asking the question I desperately need to have answered. Now I need to write what Dr. Penrose suggested, that I try to explain my addiction to those I've hurt or offended.

  
  


You were right, Duo. I did, no, I do have an addiction. And I know that because of it, I've hurt you deeply, and that is one of the many things I'll always regret.

  
  


Sally Poe set me up with a very competent psychiatrist. He's traced the roots of my addiction and has helped be become aware of a pattern of addiction throughout my life. Since I don't know who my parents were or their medical history, it can only be a guess as to whether or not my addictive trait is genetic or just my odd personality.

  
  


In reviewing my past, Dr. Penrose pointed out that my addiction to certain behaviors began when I was with Odin Lowe. I practiced shooting a gun, target practice if you will, for hours at a time in order to reach perfection. Odin praised me when I was right on the mark and, as a lonely child, I craved that positive, father-like attention. After Odin died, I started up with J and began to train in order to pilot Wing. With his specialized training, physical enhancements and with my innate drive to be the best, I came as close to being the perfect soldier as I could possibly get by the age of fourteen. Once I achieved the level my mentor deemed acceptable in order to complete the mission to Earth, my focus of obsession turned to the war and achieving each mission that was assigned to me. You remember how obsessive I could be about completing a mission, in some ways that hasn't changed. Do you remember what my focus became when I wasn't on a mission?

**********

Duo

I whisper to myself the answer to Heero's question, "That damn laptop of your's."

I use the mouse and scroll down the screen, devouring every word of his e-mail to me.

  
  


My lap top, as you well know. I was on it every chance I had and I can't count the many times you or the others had to bribe me away from it. I didn't realize at the time that I was shifting one addiction to the other to fill my habitual need for keeping my sense of accomplishment going. The thrill of my life was receiving a mission and carrying it out. No matter how difficult or impossible the assignment was, I was determined it was going to be accomplished, even if it killed me. Hence, my self-detonating when G said he wouldn't turn the gundams over to our enemies who were holding a colony hostage.

  
  


Do you see the pattern Duo? I wish I had back then, but I know I was too stubborn to see my behavior as faulty when I was achieving results that meant something in the war. But then the war came to an end. For the first time in my life I was without a goal or direction and I suddenly didn't have a mission or a target to fixate on. Peace had been the ultimate goal for the war, and suddenly, there was nothing left to reach for. Your hand of friendship probably saved my life when you asked me to live with you. I know you've probably regretted it for the last couple of years, but I never will.

  
  


Relena's kidnaping gave new meaning to my life. You didn't know that, did you? The moment I learned of her kidnaping it was like pure oxygen was being flushed into my lungs, giving me renewed life. Once again I had a purpose. Unfortunately, we accomplished our task quickly and peace was restored within days. Once again I found myself lost and, yet again, you took me in. I remember thinking that, in order for me to go on in life, I would need to figure out how to live without wars or missions. I couldn't hope for a new resurgence of battles as that would destroy the main goal of my fixations, peace. I began to study you as you were always comfortable in social situations. I wanted to be like you.

That first night you took me to the night club was the night I found something new to fixate on, sex. It's sad to think I don't even know who the guy was that took me to the men's room, I only know that it felt incredible, that surge of adrenaline just before and during climax. Dr. Penrose says we can have addictive chemicals in our bodies, that it's the endorphins released into my blood stream that change my moods, and this is what I quickly became addicted to it.

  
  


I don't think I can honestly say it was just the endorphins that addicted me. I was addicted to the same feeling I felt in having a mission. But this time my mission was personal. Several things contributed to this addiction. First, I felt a thrill in the hunt each night I prowled through the clubs for a willing partner that would do what I wanted, what I needed, merely because I chose them. Once I picked a person out of a crowd, I began the seduction, a challenge in itself in winning some reluctant person into doing what I wanted them to do. Lastly came the decision of how to have sex, as well as when and where. You see, Duo, it became a mission. I made it a mission; one that I gave to myself. There was no need for a Dr. J, a laptop or reports, all I needed was my goal for the night: finding a willing target and have sex with them.

  
  


I got lost Duo, and in the process I hurt all of those I care the most about. I'll apologize to you for however long it takes for you forgive me.

  
  


I guess this is enough for now. I would like to e-mail you from time to time, if you would let me. I don't want to push myself back into your life, though it will be hard not to. I've missed you, Duo. I've acted like an idiot. Can you forgive me for that, too? Please reply if you're ready to talk to me. If I don't hear from you I'll have to assume that you'd rather not hear from me again. I hope that isn't the case, but what ever you decide, I'll respect your wishes. Take care of yourself.

Heero

  
  


I close my eyes and sigh deeply. Heero's explanation for his behavior makes sense. In my mind I can still see him, back in time during the wars. He was the most dedicated person I'd ever met, and more than once I had been in awe of his detached ability to get tasks done what seemed impossible. I never would have thought of it as an addiction.

Can I forgive him? I don't know. Do I want to forgive him? That answer also evades me. So what do I tell him?

I hit reply on the top of the e-mail page and sit, poised to answer for a good five minutes, waiting for inspiration to hit me. "To hell with it," I decide, and finally begin to type.

  
  


Heero, 

Thanks for explaining your addiction and behavior pattern to me. It all kind of makes a little more sense now. Sorry I couldn't have helped you earlier, but Trowa says you needed to get to a certain point in your life to where you finally acknowledged that there was a problem with your behavior and wanted to change. I couldn't have helped with that no matter how much I cared.

I accept your apology, though forgiveness is harder to come by. You hurt me Heero, more than you'll probably ever know. I'll work on it though, alright? 

I'm doing fine now, and having a good job that I like and a great place to live is helping me to put the hurt you caused me on a back shelf. 

Trowa and Wufei have told me several times that you've asked for me. I'm sorry Heero, but as to further contact, I don't think I'm ready for that at this point. I like my life right now. I've got a good job and am surrounded by people who genuinely care about me. I guess I'm afraid that if I let you into my life again, you'll eventually go back to your old ways and undermine all that I've worked to achieve in the last seven months in getting over the hurt you caused me. 

Please understand, I mean you no ill will. I'm happy you're doing better and I'll be really disappointed in you if you don't overcome this problem. For so long the only thing I ever wanted was for you to be happy; that hasn't changed. The only difference is that now I want to be happy too, and that's my focus when I tell you not to write me for the time being. Keep this e-mail address, and when I feel the time and circumstances are right, I'll contact you, 

Duo

  
  


I sit at my computer and read and then re-read my letter to Heero. Am I doing the right thing in refusing to communicate with him? He's reaching out to all of us on his road to recovery, trying to regain what he's lost. Am I being overly cruel to deny him that chance? I close my eyes to re-assess my feelings. What I feel most of all at this moment is a heavy heart. That part of me is clearly telling me that I'm not ready, just as I'd told Heero in the letter I've just written. The very idea of re-kindling our tenuous friendship scares the shit out of me. I still can't come to terms as to why he rejected me and then made Alex his lover. Dammit, that guy looked just like me. Deep inside me, the pain and hurt is still here, just under the surface, and I need to get over it before I can begin to let Heero back into my life and allow him build some level of trust between us again, even if it is just friendship he wants.

But is that what he's asking for, friendship? I can't help but wonder if that's all he wants from me, or is it just my forgiveness? He might just be haunted by guilt and will leave me alone if I just say the magic words, I forgive you. Or could it be he misses the fun we once had? I always came up with ideas and suggestions for things we could do together. Well I'm tired of being used, tired of being the one to always plan things while trying to keep our flailing friendship alive. I've always settled for the small bit of friendship Heero gave me instead of the something more that I've always wanted. Maybe friendship is enough for Heero, but there's a point of being beyond friendship. I've loved and lost him; my trust, loyalty and respect for him began to diminish after he moved out of my apartment and carried on with his new hobby and my esteem for him hit rock bottom when I left Earth to come live with the other guys. I was past being his friend at that point, and I find it hard to want to go back there. 

So where does that leave Heero? Where does it leave me? I fold my arms on the desk and bend over to let my forehead rest on them.

A knock on my bedroom door sounds loudly in the stillness of my room and I turned my head to look at the door as it opened. Quatre cautiously peeks his head in and around the edge of the door. "Are you alright Duo?" he asks, his face filled with concern.

I can see the worry on his handsome face and know his Space Heart is ratting on me again. "I'm fine Quatre. Just having a little trouble with my letter to Heero," I tell him truthfully as there's no sense lying to someone who can almost read your mind.

"Mind if I come in?" he asks, and I motion with my hand for him to step inside the open door. Of course, he doesn't stop at the door, no, Quatre makes his way over to me and half sits on my desk as there is no other chair available.

"So what did you think of Heero's letter?" he asks me in a quiet voice and serious manner.

"Informative," I reply soberly.

"Will you let him write to you?" I can see Quatre is worried about my answer to Heero, and I hate to contribute to that worry.

"Are you going to let him write to you?" I ask, turning the tables.

"Yes," he nods. "I told him I forgave his behavior at Christmas." The blond head tilts down slightly, enabling him to look up at me with his clear, blue-green eyes as he asks, "Did he ask for you to forgive him?"

I sigh deeply and turn to stare at the letter I've written, still displayed on the view screen. "I told him I accepted his apology, but that forgiveness is a bit more difficult."

"You refused him, didn't you?" he asks me, a slight frown of disapproval on his face.

"I told him I just wasn't ready yet." I inform my friend, then rush to explain. "He hurt me badly Quatre. That's not an easy thing to overcome." I put my hand over my chest and continue. "It still hurts, a lot.

My friend gets a pained look on his face, but his eyes never leave mine as he moves from off the desk and bends forward to give me a gentle kiss on the lips. He then embraces me and I swear once again that Quatre Winner is the best damn hugger in the entire universe. "We'll support you in any decision you make, Duo. But please, don't ask us not to write to him. He really does need a friend or two," he said to me as his arms remain wrapped around me, giving me a sense of comfort and security.

I nod my approval, not able to voice the words I feel, and while still in Quatre's comforting embrace, I reach out to my computer, move the mouse on its pad to a certain spot, then press the button titled "send".

TBC


	7. part 7

Shifting Perspective.

By: Dyna Dee

Part 7

Warnings and Disclaimers on first page of fic.

I love December. In fact, I think I love everything about it. As I walk through the main shopping district on L-4, I watch those shoppers passing around me. People meandering down the streets with their arms loaded with brightly colored packages, for the most part, have smiles on their faces as they shop for the holiday. The children that toddle along at their sides have a special sparkle of anticipation in their eyes as they gaze at the tantalizing and bright red, green and white displays of toys and games or representations of Santa Claus and his workshop in various store windows. The whole atmosphere within the colony seems to be filled with a happiness that isn't always displayed during the rest of the year. 

I chuckle to myself as I remember an incident that happened just a short while ago. I stood next to a man in an elevator in a department store who unconsciously hummed along with the Christmas music that was playing over the store's sound system, a contented smile on his face. I joined in and was rewarded when he turned to me and we exchanged a smile and a Merry Christmas greeting. That was nice.

The strands of small white lights glowing on the branches of the many trees inside the colony blink like stars in distant galaxies and there's just a general feeling inside this tin can called L-4 that smacks of peace and good will towards men. Yeah, I wax sentimental this time of year.

I shift the packages in my hands once again as the handles wear into my skin. They're a lot heavier than I thought when I started walking. I look up again only to see the taxis passing by have their lights out. It's impossible to catch a cab today, with everyone bustling about buying last minute presents. Well, not so last minute. It's December 20th, the day I've always set aside to do my holiday shopping. The crowds are enthusiastic and the merchandise in the stores is on sale at a discount of twenty-five to fifty percent off with merchants hoping to unload some of their excess stock. The perfect combination to make me a happy shopper. 

I begin my walk along the busy city streets towards home and then realize that I'm going to be late for dinner again. Quatre doesn't have a lot of rules for living in his home, but he firmly adheres to a couple, namely; always wear pajamas and a robe outside the bedroom, especially if there is any staff in the house, be discreet with our affections towards each other in the main rooms of the house when anyone other than ourselves is present, and always try to be home for dinner. Quatre thinks it's a good idea for us to connect with each other after a day of working, to keep in touch with each other's lives. And believe me, there's usually a lot of "keeping in touch" going on under that table and beneath the hired help's eyes, despite the rules.

As I think about the approaching holiday, I feel a touch of melancholy start to creep into my good mood. This Christmas will be much more different from last year. Heero won't be coming and neither will that creepy Alex. A shudder goes through my body as a few of those memories and feelings come back to me. It's easier to shrug them away now, especially when I remind myself how much my life has changed in a year's time. I'm happy now and I feel good, in every way possible. I'm in great shape both physically and mentally. I feel healthy and whole, and my job with Quatre is fulfilling. I'm really helping him in his daily contacts with other companies, clients, and potential future business ventures, and the media. Quatre says I'm a natural and that I'm really lessening the burden that's been placed on him. It's nice to know I'm needed and useful to someone I owe so much to.

I look down at the weighty packages in my cramping hands. I hope they like what I've purchased for them as gifts this year. I hesitated in my holiday shopping, wondering whether or not I should buy a gift for Heero, like I've always done. It felt odd not to, so I bought him a silk shirt, the color of his eyes. I'll have one of the guys send it to him. 

Heero had continued writing and calling the other guys over the last few months, and they in turn tell me how he's doing. He's respectfully supported my decision to not make contact with me until I'm ready by not e-mailing me. Funny, sometimes I feel jealous that the others get e-mails from him and I don't, even though I'm the one that requested it. Wufei told me he still doesn't know I live here on L-4 with them.

Quatre warned me about a month ago that he was going to invite Heero up for Christmas and asked how I felt about it. It's his home, and I figured he could invite whomever he wants. He said he and the other two really want Heero to come for the holiday. What could I say?

It all turned out a moot point anyway as Heero replied to the invite saying that Une wouldn't give him anymore time off. He'd used up all his sick and vacation days in getting treatment for his addiction. While a part of me was relieved when I heard it, I found that another part of me felt disappointed. From the moment I'd accepted Quatre's news of the extended invitation, I'd lived with a mixture of quiet dread and anticipation of seeing him again. If I'm honest with myself I have to admit that, even if he did treat me like a second class friend, I still miss him. No one plays one on one on a basketball court like Heero, and no one else has ever made my heart skip when they entered a room like Heero had.

I make a haphazard dash across the street, the heavy laden shopping bags thumping against my legs. I barely avoid a speeding car as horns honk all around me and I yell at them that pedestrians have the right of way, even if they aren't using a cross walk. I finally make it to the other side; life, limb and Christmas presents all accounted for. I uncomfortably shift the handles in my hands again. They hurt, dammit! I think I'm actually getting blisters. Continuing my walk towards home, I'm thinking about Heero again and that I'm just about ready to talk to him. Maybe after the holidays I'll e-mail him and see how he's doing. If that goes well I'll give him a call, maybe. The other guys tell me he's doing really well, that his road to recovery has been nothing less than remarkable, so much so that he's cut his visits to his shrink from three times a week to one, with the doctor's approval. I'm glad. I honestly want him to be happy.

I see the neon lights turn on for a coffee house half a block ahead of me and decide I'll drop in, have a cup of coffee and give my hands a rest. I'm already late for dinner so, once I'm sitting and have my hands wrapped around a cup of coffee, I'll call ahead and explain my absence so Quatre won't worry.

The line was short, and less than five minutes later my favorite brew is warm between my hands as I take a seat at the small table located in the back of the coffee house. My shopping bags sit securely, piled neatly in the empty chairs at sit on either side of me. My hands are stiff from carrying the heavy-weight packages for so long, but the hot coffee cup seems to help loosen the curled fist I was afraid for a moment was a permanent condition. I've only got about a half mile to go and I figure it will go a lot faster after this pit stop. Pulling out my cell phone, I turn it on and check the messages and see that Quatre has left several for me since I turned it off. I feel guilty now. I should have called earlier so he wouldn't worry. I speed dial the house and after two rings, Esta, the downstairs maid, answers the phone.

"Winner Residence," she announces in her middle eastern accent.

"Evening Esta," I greet her. "How was your day today?"

"Master Duo." Oh, oh, her voice is in a scolding tone. I swear, some of Quatre's hired help think they're our parents sometimes. I'm twenty one years old and I really don't need a household full of doting and scolding step-in mommies and daddies.

"You are late for your dinner. Master Quatre is anxious for you to return. Are you delayed at work?" she asks in her nosey-caring manner.

"No, I've been Christmas shopping. In fact," I pause to tease her, hoping to butter her up. "I bought you something quite wonderful."

"You did?" she asks, her voice beginning to sound excited. "You don't need to do that Master Duo, but you are very kind to think of me."

"I think of you all the time, Esta." I continue our usual teasing game. "You do such wonderful things for me, how could I not buy something for my special girl."

"Have you been drinking?" she asks, and I can hear the frown on her face by the tone of her voice.

"Just coffee." I tell her. "Could you tell Quatre I'm on my way? I'll probably be there in another half hour."

"You will miss all of dinner," she chides me as if I'm a child.

"But you'll make sure a plate is left for me to warm up later, won't you sweetheart?"

"You know me too well, Master Duo," she says with a humorous chuckle. "And you flirt too much. You must save it for someone it will influence."

"So you're not interested in me?" I ask with a smile on my face and a pout in my voice.

She laughs again and I note once again that it's a lovely sound. "Just come home. I'll relay your message to Master Quatre. And hurry," she admonishes me. "The guests for Christmas have started to arrive."

"Thank you love," I say in closing, only to hear her snort in a lady-like manner and hang up the phone.

That was fun, and taking a sip of my cooling coffee, I close my eyes to enjoy the warmth and flavor of it and picture the white haired, sixty-plus year old woman I've just phone-flirted with. I think I do love that lovely lady after all.

Just as I thought, the last half mile to the house goes much faster. The colony's temperature has been decreased as the evening hours approach and the lights above dim considerably. It's almost dark by the time I reach the front steps and trudge up them with my almost unbearably heavy packages and blistered hands. When did I get so soft that I get blisters from carrying shopping bags?

I set the packages down next to the door and fumble for my keys in my pant's pocket only to have Esta, her timing as perfect as always, open the door and greet me. She takes my jacket and bags and peeks into the top of them. As her eyes scan the beautifully wrapped presents, I take a quick appraising look at the lady I've come to know so well. She's neat and trim, that's the best way to describe her. She's worked hard all her life and that's probably the reason for her wiry figure. Her mostly grey-white hair is pulled back into its customary bun at the back of her neck, and on her thin and narrow face is placed the small, but kindest of brown eyes. She really is a sweetheart to me as she is with the other guys, a kind of a grandmother/mother to all four of us.

"They're all wrapped," I tell her, smiling at the curious look on her face. "You can have Katon put them under the tree when he has a few minutes."

"That rascal," the older lady says with a shake of her head and an indulgent smile that I see quite often on her aging face. "I can't keep track of him. He's supposed to be setting the lights on the house but I have an idea he might be off chasing that poor chauffeur, Claudette.

She talks about her thirty-five year old son as if he were a rambunctious child. I'm pretty sure she must talk about each of us former gundam pilots in the same way. We are all like her unruly children that she has the onerous chore of keeping in line.

"Now off with you." She shoos me off towards the rec room. "The others are in the recreation room with company. You can find your dinner in the kitchen after you do the proper greeting."

There she goes, instructing me subtly on how to go about in "proper society" by greeting your guests before seeing to your own comfort.

I can't remember who is scheduled to arrive first for the holidays. Quatre usually has at least two of his sisters and their families here to help us vicariously re-live through his nieces and nephews what we missed as children.

"I'm home!" I call out my usual, playful greeting before I am within twenty feet of the doorway, anticipating the hugs and fun that come from Quatre's smaller family members. "Ready or not, here I come." The kids love that line and know that it signals playtime when Uncle Duo says that phrase.

I enter through the open door with an anticipating smile on my face, feeling all is right in my world. Two feet into the room I stop dead in my tracks. With my eyes on the guys, I see the are all sitting on the couch in front of the television with a look of wariness on their faces. My head slowly turns to the right of them to our visitor sitting in the overstuffed armchair, which happens to be my favorite sitting place, and I'm stunned into silence and immobility when I recognize Heero as the person sitting there. I stare mutely at him for several moments, our eyes lock onto one another's and all I can think of is, "Oh shit!"

**********

Quatre

"I'm home! Ready or not, here I come."

We all hear Duo approaching, and he calls out the greeting he always gives my nieces and nephews as he's the prime player in the game hide and go seek. I feel the overwhelming tenseness in the room, and not all of it is coming from Heero. Wufei, Trowa and I are just as anxious about this first and spontaneous meeting between the two estranged friends.

We watch as Duo comes through the open door with a broad smile on his face which falters as he looks at us, sensing something is wrong. A look of shock appears on his face when he turns his head and takes in our unexpected guest. He and Heero's eyes lock onto each other and everything in the room comes to a silent stand still. Duo looks stunned, and the only utterance that comes from him is a strangled phrase, "Oh shit!"

Heero stands immediately and moves towards his former best friend, and I grab hold of my lovers' hands as they sit in tense silence next to me watching and waiting to see what's going to happen. The waves of emotion rolling off the two men before us is nearly overwhelming my senses. There are so many emotions being felt within the room that I can't distinguish a single emotion. The best way I can describe what I feel would be to describe it as a cacophony of dissonant notes played by a large number of different instruments.

Dressed semi-casually in dress slacks and a dark blue, long sleeved sweater, Heero moves to stand in front of Duo and offers his hand. "Hello Duo. It's good to see you again," he says politely.

Duo for his part, blinks like an owl. "I...I thought you weren't coming?" he manages to get out, and my heart aches for him at his discomfort, not that Heero's is any less. "Didn't you tell the guys you couldn't take any time off?"

"I made time off, this was too important," Heero replies lowering his unshaken hand then steps back to give Duo some space. "If you're too uncomfortable with me being here, I'll leave," he offers with a downcast expression.

We all wait nervously as several moments pass and watch as Duo contemplates what to say. Finally, he shakes his head. "No," he answers with a bit more confidence in his voice and manner. "You've come all this way, you should stay."

"I don't want to push you into accepting me, Duo," Heero says quietly. "But it is good to see you. I've missed you."

Duo closes his eyes for a moment and replies, "I missed you too, Heero, and I was just thinking on my way home tonight that I was going to e-mail you after the holidays."

That piece of news is like a gift to us all. Heero has really lamented his lost of Duo to the rest of us. Through his heart-wrenching confessions over numerous e-mails and phone calls, the three of us have come to learn that Heero loves Duo, and that sadly, he always has. Heero has tried to explain to us why he had rejected Duo several years ago, and that Dr. Penrose was helping him to work through his misconceptions concerning his worthiness to be happy and loved. The three of us have kept that knowledge to ourselves, knowing how Duo feels about Hero and how badly he's been hurt by him. We can only sit back now as mere spectators and watch the two former friends as they re-define their relationship.

"I've made so many mistakes, Duo." Heero continues, inching closer to the person he cares for more than anyone he'd ever known. "But I'm getting better, though I'll always have some form of addictive behavior. Dr. Penrose says I just have to challenge my impulsive desires in other healthy directions."

"So you've given up dating and sex altogether?" Duo asks dubiously, and there is no humor in his voice as he looks seriously into Heero's face.

"Let's just say that, as my recovery is progressing, my only dating partner seems to be Mr. Right Hand."

A small smile inches up on Duo's face even as I try to hide my surprise at Heero's admission of self-gratification.

"Hey, I happen to know his twin brother quite well," Duo replies with a teasing smile and extends his hand out to Heero. "Meet Mr. Cummings."

They both grin and chuckle in good humor as they shake hands once more and the tension in the room eases considerably. Then as their laughter fades to smiles, Heero takes a step closer and brings his hand up to place it against Duo's cheek and, with his thumb, he strokes the soft skin just beneath it.

I watch Duo's reaction closely. At the first touch, his eyes widen in surprise, but then he slowly closes his eyes and leans into Heero's gentle touch. My heart fills with their emotions and I squeeze my lovers' hands, keeping them as my anchor. "There's so much love there," I whisper, letting them know what I am experiencing.

Heero is studying the handsome face before him. And it seems as if he can't resist the need or temptation any longer as he leans forward slightly and places his lips on Duo's. It feels a little bit strange to be included in on such a tender moment, but I remind myself that several times we included Duo as a part of our love making. He's always taken the role of an outside participant, not actively joining in as my lovers and I share our love for each other with him present. Each time he's joined us he's allowed one of us to give him release either by hand or mouth, but he never reached out to us other than kissing and holding. I've sensed in the past that he didn't want to do anything further with us, but that he somehow felt happy and content in witnessing the true love Wufei, Trowa and I have for each other. I knew from long talks with Duo that a true and lasting love was what he was waiting for when it came to sex. Maybe it's a premonition, or maybe wishful thinking on my part, but I believe from the feelings I'm getting from both Heero and Duo that our long haired friend might just be getting what he's always wished for and what he's been waiting for.

Duo doesn't move at first, accepting Heero's lips but not doing much in return. That brings concern to me for a moment, but then suddenly his arms come up and wrap around Heero's broader shoulders. He definitely is initiating the deepening of the kiss with Heero happily following his cue.

Then suddenly a new, stronger emotion enters the room and I bolt up from the couch and watch in alarm as Duo grabs Heero's shoulders, spins him around and pushes him back until he slams his back him into the wall next to the room's doorway. The painting on the wall to their left is knocked off of its hanger and falls to the floor with a solid thud.

I try to go to them, to intervene, but firm hands keep me back. "Let them work this out, Quatre." Trowa whispers into my ear. I look up to see Wufei looking first at Trowa and then to me, nodding his agreement. We turn to watch what is going to happen between our two friends.

"Do you mean it Heero?" Duo asks in an angry hiss. "Is that kiss because you really wanted to kiss me or is it your addiction acting out? I swear to you," he continued in a low threatening voice, "if you're screwing with my head again, one of us is not going to walk out of this room alive."

Heero remains docile in Duo's grip, not fighting the painful hold that is on his upper arms, keeping him pinned against the wall. "I mean it Duo." He replies softly, his eyes on his angry looking friend. "I've wanted to do that since our second mission together."

Duo stumbles back and I can feel thoughts of confusion filling him. "What do you mean?" he asks, with a perplexed look on his face.

"I've loved you for years, Duo. In fact, you're the only person I've ever loved." Heero's heart is reflected in his eyes, silently beseeching Duo to believe him.

Those words seem to sting the long haired young man, and Duo abruptly turns away from Heero to look out the window on the other side of the room. "Dammit Heero, you know I've loved you for years. Do you realize just how much it hurts to hear you say that? To think of all the pain and suffering you've put me through," Duo says sadly.

I can feel Heero's heartbreak at Duo's words, but my two companions can clearly see it in his face as he approaches the braided man again to appeal to him. "I'm sorry, Duo. But during the war I felt I couldn't give into my feelings for you. I didn't understand them to begin with, given my training to remain as emotionally distant so I could carry out my missions, and I was always just one order away from destroying myself along with my gundam. I was driven by my addictive need to see the mission completed, and you were a complication I couldn't deal with, so I didn't. Then after the war I was too...sullied." A look of self-loathing forms on Heero's face as he continues. "I've dealt with death all my life, Duo. It was either kill or be killed. I could see you loved me, but I felt that any one else other than myself would be better for you. I was a cold warrior with no purpose. You helped me survive when I should have eliminated myself after the wars as a weapon of war that was no longer needed. But without the missions or my laptop to give me purpose, to fill that empty need to achieve a goal, I turned to something altogether different, and it helped me keep you safe from me and out of my thoughts and dreams." 

He steps forward until he was just behind the braided man, still turned away from him. "I wasn't worthy of you then, and I'm even less worthy now," Heero says in a pained voice, a look of worry on his face. "But Dr. Penrose tells me I have a right to be happy, and Sally said I should try to make myself a better person and then go looking for true happiness." He pauses a moment and I can see him take a deep breath before he puts his hands on Duo's shoulders and turns him around. "You are the only person on earth or the colonies that has ever made me happy, Duo. I...I love you, and I want to learn what that means." A sad look of resignation overcomes Heero's face. "I'm tarnished and used, Duo. I'll never be truly ... worthy of you, and I won't blame you if you don't want me, but I had to try and let you know how I feel."

Duo suddenly lunges forward and I gasp in alarm, thinking he's attacking Heero. I'm more than relieved to see he has instead embraced Heero with both arms and is currently squeezing the life out of him. Heero is happy to follow Duo's example and holds the slender American tightly.

"If you can give me another chance, Duo, I want to start our relationship slow." Heero continues as he holds Duo to his chest. "That's something I've never done before. I want to be your friend again and build the level of trust we once had with one another. Would that be alright?"

"Sounds perfect," Duo answers in an emotion-filled voice. He then pulls back and looks curiously at the man in front of him. "How do we do this when I live here and you're on Earth?"

"I don't live on Earth any longer," Heero grins sheepishly. "I quit my job to come here, so I'm basically jobless and homeless."

"No you're not," I speak up quickly. "You're home right now, if everyone agrees, and there's more than one job you can fill at Winner Corporation."

Both men, arms still loosely holding each other smile at me and then shyly at each other. "So, what do we do first?" Duo asks Heero with a growing smile.

Heero gives him his own beautiful, soft smile, his love for Duo evident in his face. "We celebrate Christmas like we always do," he answers. "Then I want to take you out for dinner and bowling, and after that, lunch and pool. Then let's try one-on-one basketball. Do they have any go-cart racers here?"

His questions are cut off by a quick, enthusiastic kiss from Duo, and my heart all but soars at the happiness that fills the room. I have an idea that Duo is going to like the month of January from now on.

End

  
  


On to Epilogue


	8. Epilogue

Author's note: As always, at the end of a fic, I'd like to thank all those who left a comment or e-mail for me. Thanks for all the positive feed back. An armful of gratitude to Swordy for catching my typos. She's a dear and is currently writing a great Fake fic here on ff.net. Check it out if you have some time.

Shifting Perspective

By: Dyna Dee

Warnings and Disclaimers on first page of story. Yaoi and lime in this chapter.

Epilogue

  
  


Trowa

A light and warm midnight breeze floats from off the desert sands through the tall open windows and into the dimly lit room. The shades were drawn up at sunset and the sheer white curtains billow gently as the light of the full moon shines softly into the entertainment room. The five of us have come to Earth together and are presently staying at Quatre's family's estate in the sea-side city of Jiddah. We've only been here two days and all of us have already lost our colony white skin. Surprisingly, Duo and I are the ones sporting the beginnings of a tan while Quatre's skin seems to burn no matter what precautions he takes against the Saudi Arabian sun. Heero and Wufei just seem to get more golden.

The clock on the entertainment center displays the time as twelve twenty-two and I've just heard Quatre yawn for the fourth time while Wufei's head has nodded several times during the movie. I think it's time to go upstairs. I announce that fact by gently nudging Quatre from off my shoulder and standing, turning immediately to extend my hand to him. "Time for bed," I tell him. His eyes are wide and blinking and he looked perplexed, as if he's suddenly awakened. I smile and him then look to see Wufei lurch to his feet, looking sleepy eyed and more than happy to agree with me about retiring for the night. 

Turning my head, I address the two lying on the floor on the large comfortable pillows. The two bodies are melded together to form one larger mass of contentment. "You two staying up?" I ask.

"Just a little longer." Heero turns his head to answer and gives me a brief smile, something that we've seen a lot more of in the last five months. "Turn the lights off on your way out," I tell him and receive a nod of his head that he will. Taking the arms of my two lovers, I lead them out of the room and towards our bedroom.

As I prepare for bed, my mind drifts to the two we've left in the entertainment room. I have to say that I'm very proud of Heero. He has come so far just on his sheer determination to be the best person he can in order to be worthy of Duo. Being true to his word, Heero went to work on first becoming Duo's friend, taking the initiative to think up activities and invite him out on dates. It's been fun to watch Duo's eyes light up with excitement at each of Heero's invitations. Also, to his credit, Heero has been determined not to pursue a more physical relationship with his best friend until Duo feels certain of him, that he won't hurt him and that he wants much more than just a sexual relationship.

After a few cautious weeks, Duo seemed to be more open and accepting of Heero's motives. And as he and Heero have grown closer, the three of us have watched over time as a perceptible changes developed in their relationship and how the two of them have cautiously been moving towards becoming more than just friends.

Two months after Heero's arrival, Duo came to our bedroom one morning as we were getting ready for work and told us that he felt the need to limit some of the more physical touches he'd received and enjoyed from us. He rushed to explain, not wanting to hurt our feelings, that Heero had shied away from our affections because he was fearful that he would slip into his old patterns. He stated that Heero enjoyed our company, friendship, and camaraderie, but he couldn't bring himself to be more physical than an infrequent hug. Quatre had felt this from Heero and had explained his behavior to us, so that we would understood his stand-off attitude. Duo didn't need to explain this to us, but I sensed in his telling us this that he was leading up to something else.

He remembered Duo taking a deep breath and looking somewhat contrite, as he continued. "I think you the four of us need to be less demonstrative in our affections for each other, especially in front of Heero. It's kind of like being at an ice cream party and everyone has their favorite flavor but you aren't allowed to have any," he explained in his typical Duo-like manner. We agreed with him that it must be difficult for Heero and that we would honor his request, but it really was rather sad as we'd come to care deeply for Duo and enjoyed giving and receiving affection from him.

As for the sleeping arrangements, after Heero had lived with us for those first two months, Duo had put an end to our rotating schedule of taking turns sleeping with him. He said Heero had understood what the nightly routine meant, and he wanted to be the one to hold Duo at night. There wasn't much of a protest from us on that point. We had missed sleeping together and it was nice for the three of us to be in bed together again. 

From that point on we watched the mental barriers that both young men had built up over the years slowly begin to dissolve. We began to see a closer bond form between the two and a reluctance to be apart from each other for very long. It was clear to us that Duo was forgiving Heero and Heero was well on his way to forgiving himself.

Wufei and I rely on Quatre's Space Heart, as he calls his empathic abilities, to inform us of the changes in the relationship between our two friends. He smiles at us in a dreamy fashion when he answers our questions concerning them, giving us the same answer each time. "There is so much love between them," he says.

As far as any of us knows, the two have been freely affectionate with each other, spending each free moment in each others company and sharing a bed at night, but Quatre says they haven't reached the point of having sex yet. I have to give Heero credit again. If I had Duo in my arms, kissing, being affectionate and expressing love for me, I couldn't have resisted in making him mine completely. I've seen Duo in the throws of passion during the few session of love making in which he's joined us, and he is unbelievably beautiful in those moments, not that he isn't any other time. But when he climaxes, the look of rapture on his face is unforgettable. 

Heero has his reasons for waiting, I'm sure. And I know first and foremost he wants Duo to have faith him, that his words of love are true, that he won't hurt or leave him, and he is willing to wait for however long it takes to get to the next step, until Duo is completely ready to put his trust in Heero's hands in pursuing their relationship.

I put further thoughts of my friends out of my mind as I turn off the bathroom light and moved into the bedroom. Wufei and Quatre are both in under the light covers by the time return, spooned up nicely against each other. I go to the far side of the bed and pull off my jeans and boxers and crawl in behind Wufei and snuggle up against his warmth. Putting my thoughts of my friends and the day aside, I settle into my pillow and into a feeling of contentment, with the lingering scent of Wufei's hair sending me into the realm of pleasant dreams. 

************

Heero

I was beginning to think the other guys were never going to go to bed and I was more than relieved when Trowa finally called it a night for the three of them. This is my favorite time of day, and the setting couldn't be better. Quatre brought us all down to Earth, to his family's home in the desert for a little R&R. I don't really need the vacation as I've only been on the job at Winner Corporation for five months, but it's nice to get away and relax with my friends and especially Duo.

The warm night wind blows through the open windows and ruffles the fringe of hair that drapes over Duo's forehead. I smile at the man lying so contented in my arms. This is my happiness, my peace. If I had only been wise enough to follow my initial feelings for him years ago instead of pushing him away with my self-destructive belief of unworthiness, I could have spared us both a lot of grief and pain.

Once all sounds in the house cease, Duo shifts from his position in front of me and turns in my arms. Pushing himself up, he places his lips on mine and begins kissing me. I fold into him physically and emotionally as I take in the feel of his body against mine, the taste of his mouth and the smell of lavender in his hair. After a long, unhurried kiss, he lifts his head and smiles at down at me. "I've wanted to do that all night," he says in a quiet, slightly husky voice.

I nod and grin back contentedly. "Me too."

He settles down and puts his chest on mine and presses his face into my neck, his lips brushing against my skin as he speaks. "I still can't believe that I can do that whenever I want," he sighs, his warm breath against my skin sends a trail of goose bumps up my arms. I kiss the top of his head, loving the softness and scent of his hair.

"You know I'm all yours Duo," I tell him in all seriousness," to do with whatever you like. You literally own my happiness," My open hands run over his tank top covered back as I wait, knowing such declarations usually leave Duo feeling unsettled and that he won't let the words I've just said hang between us. 

Sure enough, he lifts his head from off my shoulder and I'm bracing myself to receive yet another lecture along the lines that I am the author of my own happiness, that I need to seek for it for myself and not depend on someone else to make me happy. Yeah, I've heard it a few times already. But as my eyes rise to meet his, I'm surprised to see that particular lecture isn't coming as I observe passion brewing in his unforgettable eyes. I feel my groin tighten at that look. And what makes it so damn sexy is that I know he has only given this look to me. Oh, I know he's had some sexual interactions with other people, even our friends. But he told me he has never been in love before and has been waiting to give the last part of him, that is his alone to give, to someone he loves deeply. 

I have mentally kicked myself when I recall his confession, or maybe it was more of a declaration of love, well over two years ago and that he wanted to have a relationship with me. I didn't realize then what a precious gift I was being offered. But I do now.

"And you own me," Duo replies in a deep, emotionally affected voice. With a quick movement he swoops down and captures my lips again and repositions himself so that his entire body is lying on top of mine with his thigh pressing up against my awakening erection. I spread my thighs and let him slide between them and a moan comes from deep within me at the sensations his body and kiss cause within me. This feels so good, so right. A year ago you could not have convinced me that loving someone would make the simple acts of being touched and kissed a more enhanced, fulfilling experience. I don't need drugs, nor alcohol, or the feeling of successful pursuit and conquest any longer to make me feel complete. All I need to be happy and whole is Duo and his love.

I can't hold back another throaty moan of pleasure that escapes me as the bulge in the front of his shorts meets mine and he rocks gently against me. He breaks our kiss to work his way to my cheeks and then down to my neck, a sensitive spot for me. He shifts to the side and I feel his questing hand moving under my tank top and his nimble fingers rediscover my chest, pausing to run them over my nipples and tweak them as they pucker from his teasing assault.

He leans back and looks into my eyes again. "I'm drowning in you, Heero," he says in a ragged voice, then captures my lips again in a fierce kiss.

I close my eyes, losing myself in him and know that I'm in heaven. I figure that, if there is such a place, it can't compare to being here with Duo. I feel his hand exploring my chest as it moves slowly down my ribs and my stomach tightens as he lightly brushes against my navel at the waistband of my shorts. I silently wish for him to go where he's not ventured before, the part of me that aches for his touch. He's always avoided the more intimate touches when we've ventured further than just kissing, always careful not to push me any further than what he was willing to do himself.

His hand lowers further, as if obeying the silent desires of my heart, slowly moving over the bulge that is not hiding successfully under the cloth. He takes a firm hold of me through my shorts and I gasp at the touch and open my eyes to look questioningly into the smoldering orbs above me.

Duo's blue-violet eyes stare seductively into mine and his cheeks are flushed in a display of his own rising passion. He touches my cheek and gives me a quick kiss before he says the words that make my heart want to beat out of my chest. "I'm ready Heero," he speaks quiet but resolute. "You've proven to me that you're in this for the long haul, and I believe you when you say you won't leave me." 

His words are like music to my ears. I reach up and push the long strands of hair that have escaped his pony tail back behind his ear and observe once more how truly beautiful Duo is. I know without a doubt that I will never let him walk away from me again. 

Even as he lowers his head and kisses me passionately, my mind is busy thinking about our surroundings. Even though we are all alone and in a romantic setting, with the desert breeze gently kissing our skin and the moonlight glowing softly through the open window, I have no desire to have our first time together on the floor of the entertainment room.

"Not here," I tell him with my lips brushing against his. "Let's go to our room. I have everything we need there."

"Why am I not surprised?" he asks with a slight, nervous chuckle and a spark of amusement in his eyes. 

Reluctantly shifting off of me and rising, Duo stands and offers me a hand up. I put my hand in his, again enjoying the feeling of rightness as our fingers close around each other's hand, and rise with his help. We pause for a moment to kiss again, and as my hand moves up Duo's arm to his neck, I can feel his pulse racing in time with my own. I step back and take his hand and lead him to our room, turning the lights in the large house out as we go, just as Trowa requested.

Once the door to our room closes and the overhead lights are switched on, I turn to look at Duo and am surprised to see him looking nervous. I guess I can understand it as both of us realize this is a very important moment in our lives, a pivotal one. From this point on, things will be forever changed for us, and I'm determined that the change will only be for the better.

"Lights on or off?" I ask, wanting him to be comfortable. Even though Duo has a wonderful body, he has always been somewhat body shy, a result of living on the streets he once told me. As a kid on the street, he learned from Solo to never to show your body to anyone; it might lead to wrong ideas and trouble the smaller boy could live without.

Duo looks around the room as if to search for any other alternative to the light situation. "How about if we leave the bathroom light on and the door slightly ajar," he suggests.

I leave him near the door to the room and move to the attached bathroom door, turn the light on, then close the door so that only a few inches remain open. Duo shuts off the bedroom's ceiling light by flipping a switch on the wall by the door and the lighting is complete. The muted light from the bathroom casts just enough light into the room for us to see each other yet offering shadows to make my lover feel more secure.

I smile at my long-haired lover as I move to my dresser and open it, quickly finding and retrieving the new tube of lube I bought before leaving L-4, hoping or maybe even sensing that Duo would soon be ready to take the next step in our relationship. I walk over to the bed and set the tube down on the end table, next to the box of tissues that I know we'll also be needing. 

Turning around I see Duo fiddling with the end of his braid, looking unsure as to how to proceed from this point. This is a side of him that hardly anyone has ever seen and it makes me want to protect him, to make this first experience of making love together a slow and enjoyable experience for the both of us. 'Slow.' I reaffirm my goal as I look at him. I want and need him so badly that I ache just at the sight of him.

Reaching for the hem of my tank top, I pull it up and peel it off and over my head. Duo gives me a small, crooked smile and mimics my move, taking his tank top off also, then throws it carelessly into a dark corner of the room. I step forward, wanting to help him undress further. He waits for me, watching as I approach with his large, beautiful eyes taking in every inch of me. As soon as I reach him I pull him in for a kiss, my hands running over his warm skin, noting the perfection of it under my fingertips. I feel his hands on my back as they follow the lines of muscle and move up to my shoulder as our kiss deepens. He leans his body into me, his hips pressing urgently against mine as if he's secretly trying to break my resolve.

I strengthen my will again to go slow even though my body urges me to throw him on the bed, rip the remaining clothes off his body and get on with it. But this is not Alex or any of my other past bed partners, this is Duo, and I want what we have right now, tonight, to last the rest of our lives. There will be time in the future for being spontaneous and adventuring in our love making, but right now I need to do this right. I need to claim him gently and with as little discomfort to his body as possible. I want to truly make love to him, pour that emotion from my heart into him with my body. I want to drive him to the edge and hear him call out my name as he reaches his climax.

My hand moves down to the belt that holds his shorts on his lean hips. My hands feel like they are trembling as they work the button and zipper and I know it's from anticipation. We've had some serious make-out sessions, including heavy petting, but Duo has never been completely unclothed before. Even on those rare occasions when I brought him to climax with my hand, he still had his pants on. It seemed to be somewhat of a protective barrier for him. I think he believed that, if his pants came off, he wouldn't be able to stop himself from going further. I knew he was holding back, waiting because he wanted to be sure of me, that I was the one he would share this last gift with; and now he is sure.

His pants drop to the floor and as I work slowly at the waistband of his boxers, I feel his fingers unbuttoning the top of my pants and the zipper being pulled down. A moment later we are both standing with our shorts and underwear pooling around our ankles all but forgotten as we press our bodies together as we share a heated kiss. 'Slow,' I remind myself once again as the evidence of our passion for each other presses deliciously together causing me to moan and Duo to gasp.

Stepping back and out of my clothing, I take Duo's hand and lead him to the bed. With a firm grasp of the covers and a flick of my wrist, I send the sheet and light blanket to the bottom of the bed, leaving only the bottom sheet, blank as a painter's canvas, waiting for us to begin painting our future lives together with our love and bodies as the paint and brush. Turning back to my lover, I meet his eyes and a nervous smile.

"I know the mechanics of how this goes Heero, but..."

Seeing him uncomfortable, I cut him off. "Can you let down your hair for me, Duo?" I ask.

He gives me a more genuine smile and lets go of my hand in order to release the band at the bottom of his braid that holds his bound hair. Once released, he combs his fingers through the long twisted mass and I watch in amazement and awe at the loose hair. I am mesmerized by Duo as he shakes his head and the chestnut locks spread over his back and spill over his shoulders, now appearing much longer than it had been while it was trapped in the braid and so vibrant in color and unbelievably thick. The only word that comes to my mind and lips as I reach out and reverently touch the chestnut silk with my fingers is, "Magnificent". I can't help but wonder how a person, male or female, could ever be any more beautiful than my Duo?

I kiss him, suddenly desperate and pressing our bodies against each other again. Putting one hand behind his head and one on his back, I turn us and slowly lower him on the bed, stopping only to pick his legs up and move him over enough for me to climb up and lay next to him. We lay there, side by side, kissing and exploring each other's body with our hands. 'Slow,' I repeat in my head as a sort of mantra as my hand slides from his back to his side, feeling his ribs and move lower to caress his raised him. I reach lower and my hand cups his perfect bottom. As Duo moans into my mouth, it signals my release from his lips to begin the trail of kisses over his face, covering it then move methodically to his neck. After I thoroughly explore this area, I intend to continue on. And before the night is over, I intend to leave no part of Duo Maxwell unexplored.

*********

Wufei

A slight sound, a long, low moan, brings me out of my sleep and I wonder for a moment what's going on. As we do every night, the three of us start out pressed up against each other, but as the night wears on, the warmth of three bodies usually becomes too much and we end up separating.

I hear the low moan again, and I'm not sure if it's from pain or an erotic sound. I open my eyes and see in the dim moonlight that Trowa is facing me and he appears to be sound asleep. Turning my head, I look at my blond lover as he issues another deep moan. We've all kicked off the covers, being too warm even at night in the desert for them, and I can see through his silk boxers that his moan is not from any nightmare. I turn onto my side to face Quatre in order to observe him more closely. His body shifts, his head moves restlessly and his blond eyebrows rise up as he thrusts his hips upwards and gasps.

"What's going on?" I hear Trowa ask in a sleepy voice from behind me and I feel him move close to me, his chest to my back.

"Quatre's having a dream?" I inform him, a smile growing on my face.

"A nightmare? Should we wake him?" he asks in concern. Nataku knows we've all had our share of nightmares.

I laugh quietly. "It's not what you or I would call a nightmare," I reply as Quatre continues to writhe and moan louder.

A slight snort of amusement comes from directly behind me. "Looks like we're missing out on all the fun," Trowa says as his left hand comes to my waist and slowly moves forward and up my chest.

"Let's wake him up," I suggest, even though watching Quatre writhe with pleasure is one of our favorite pastimes.

Trowa scoots even closer to me, the weight of his body is pressed against mine and as his cheek rests against mine, I feel his nod of agreement. Reaching out my hand, I run it over the smooth but harden plane of the pale chest I know so well. Quatre moans and his body turns into my touch. Leaning over further, I press my lips to his in a gentle kiss, which lasts only a moment before I feel him stiffen beneath me and, as he wakes up and becomes aware of his surroundings, he flings his arms around me and pulls me completely on top of him.

"That must have been some dream," I tease him as he moves his hips urgently against mine.

"Not just a dream," he gasps as he arches up, letting me feel his hardness against my growing erection.

"What do you mean?" Trowa asks as his hands move around me to begin to stroke Quatre where ever his hands can reach.

"It's Duo," he confesses almost breathlessly. "I went to bed thinking about him and I touched his mind, trying to read his emotions. I must not have severed the connection before I fell asleep. Oh Allah," he gasps and arches his back again. "I think Heero is driving him wonderfully insane."

"I think we should take your mind off of it," Trowa says in an ominous, sexy voice.

"A Quatre sandwich?" I suggest with a wink and a grin towards our taller lover. A smirk is his only reply I get from him. I feel Trowa move back, giving me some space to move in. Taking that as my cue, I wrap my arms around Quatre and roll, pulling him up and over me to land him in the middle. Since he is facing me, Trowa will have full advantage of our lover's backside, while I..."

Quatre hangs onto me as if his life depends on it. "Hurry," he whispers in near anguish. "I'm not going to last long."

I hear the table drawer open and a moment later a glob of lube is squeezed into my waiting hand.

"Who's taking who?" I ask, and Quatre's dazed eyes look up into my face.

"Huh?" he asks, a bit confused, or overwhelmed.

"Is Heero taking Duo, or vice versa?"

Quatre rolls his eyes. "Heero is definitely in command," he answers. "And Duo is...about to come."

"Then let's join our friends," Trowa says in a deep tone of voice. I capture Quatre's lips and let my hands roam over his body, loving the strength that lay underneath the pale exterior and ignore his aching member while Trowa preps him. We move through the brief and intricate dance of lovers, the three of us bonding our lives and relationship once again and simultaneously with our friends in the next room.

Quatre cries out as Trowa brings him to the peak of our lovemaking, and I reach for him, helping him to achieve release, which proves to be a long, strong one. Trowa follows immediately after, and I listen to their heavy, recovering breathing, very much aware of my own needy state.

Quatre's eyes suddenly fly open and he grabs hold of me again, kissing me with a continued urgency. Evidently Duo and Heero are still going. Though his member is flaccid in my hand, his body, or maybe it's his mind, is craving more. "Please Wufei," he says urgently and rocks his body against mine.

That's all it's going to take. I roll on top of him and get down to serious business, catching a brief glimpse of Trowa's sated grin of encouragement as he brushes the sweat dampened, blond hair from Quatre's brow.

No words pass between us as Quatre and I make love, and once we both come to an end together, the three of us lay next to each other in a blissful, sleepy, sated pose, knowing that sleep will be coming now that Heero and Duo are finished.

"That was unexpected," Quatre whispers tiredly and yawns immediately after.

"I guess with those two just beginning their physical relationship that things around here are going to get pretty interesting." Trowa states, obviously amused.

"Maybe not for long though," Quatre answers. "Heero approached me this morning, maybe knowing thing were about to change for the two of them. He asked me if we would be offended if he and Duo found a place of their own, close to us, but somewhere that they could pursue their relationship with some privacy. I told him we would be sad at their leaving, but we would help them in any way we could."

A long moment of silence filled the room as Trowa and I come to terms with the apparently imminent departure of our friends from our home.

I decide to change the subject, my mind still on the two in the other room. "Was it good for them?" I ask, hoping it to be true. I want both of our friends to find the happiness that I have found with these two laying naked beside me.

"It was mind blowing," Quatre said wistfully. I chance a look over his shoulder at Trowa and raise a questioning eyebrow at him.

"If their making love was mind blowing, what would you call ours?" Trowa asks Quatre, raising up on his elbow to look questioningly down on the listless blond. 

With his eyes closed for the night, a warm smile comes to Quatre's face. "Blissfully, erotically perfect," he sighs.

Trowa smiles at the both of us. "I guess I can live with that," he says and lowers himself back down to the mattress, resting his head gently against Quatre's shoulder.

"Me too," I agree sleepily and close my eyes as sleep begins to creep in on me again. With my left hand I grope blindly and find the slender hand resting on my blond partner's flat stomach, and taking it in mine, I let the peace and contentment I feel for the five of us lead me into a restful slumber.

End.

Thanks to all of those who stuck with this to the end. Hope you enjoyed it. It will be a little while before the next fic comes out, it's only half written and needs some revising. Maybe a couple of weeks.


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